- written in Haradrim -
These past weeks, I feel that I spend more time crying than I do not. My face has become permanently puffy and red, and I fear that my skin will never return to how it was.
I do not like it here in Bree, and I desire to return home. The very one friend I made simply stopped seeing me for almost a month, and I could not figure out why or if I had done something wrong. After our last encounter before that time, I thought that.. - several words are scratched out.- At any rate, I do believe that I was terribly mistaken about whatever I thought was going on. In the weeks that my friend has been too busy, I have discovered the whereabouts of the brother I came here for.
Buried, in an unmarked grave, outside of Bree-town. I was devastated, and with no one to talk to, I have spent all of my time locked in the room in the Inn that I've been paying for. And yet I ask, what is the point in continuing to pay for this room here? The reason I have come to Bree, for my brother, is now moot. He's dead, and I have no one left anymore, and certainly no one left in Bree.
And that brings me to Khazim, whom I clearly had a different interpretation of things with than he. I finally see him, after almost an entire month of silence, and he acts as if nothing is changed! But it has, and he has not noticed. The news of my brother's death is ready to burst, and yet I know what he will say. He already said it before, that my family was dead. Certainly he will tell me that he told me so. I'm always wrong about everything in his eyes, anyway. I can never do anything right, there is always something for him to tell me I'm doing wrong.
As nice and friendly as the dwarves were that we spoke with, I very much wanted to pull him aside and tell him what I have discovered. I did not want to sit and make idle chitchat and, of course, I was scolded for not knowing the proper etiquette that he expects of me. I feel like I am a small child, chasing after someone and trying to prove that I am worthy of being included, and constantly being rebuked at every single chance.
I fear I am spiralling into someplace very dark, and no one is noticing.
I want to go home. I miss home.
