The cold embrace

Rocks covered in mud before my feet. The stars light up the sky like diamonds, sparkling. In my hands, I hold a letter. With the stars as my guiding light, I read it over and over again, without understanding it’s meaning. An expedition was mentioned; a journey towards Eregion, but the trail ends there. I look at the letter again, trying to see every single word in a new light. With every second, a new thought enters my mind. I do not understand, but somewhere inside, I know that is exactly what she wanted. I read it once more. No change.



Disappointed of my failure to understand, I throw the letter away. It is of no more use. I call for Faerlain, my horse, and we set the course east, away from the Great Sea. I hear it calling, a silent voice of longing. As my mother, father and sister; I dearly wish to set my sail and wait for the wind to carry me home. I have tried to silence the voice with all my power, but with each fading link to this world, it becomes unbearable to hide it any longer.



I wish to go home.



Now, my feet are almost buried in white sand. For many days we rode, with only a few stops to let Faerlain drink and eat. Over the green fields of Falathlorn, through the heavy forests of northern Shire, where the small-folk dwell. Carefully I chose my path, to awake as little stirr as possible to the shirelings, in hope that my presence would go by unnoticed. Behind me, I left a letter. Much like the one I have now thrown away. Adressed to my only remaining sister, where I declared my journey. Deep inside, my heart is hurting on the tought of leaving her and a sense of regret wont stop gnawing at me. But above, on the fifth night since my leaving, Varda unveils all of her stars at once. A wave of calm comes over me as the mighty Lake Nenuial appears on the horizon. It was here, in the company of a dear friend, where I felt truly at peace for the first time in ages. I ride past the encampment of the rangers, setting my aim further north. Through the forests we ride silently, avoiding all contact except for the few beasts that roam the wild. Then west, over the hills until at last, we find the great falls I have missed so much.



There is moss as green as I’ve never seen it before, with a scent so sweet as if no man had ever layed his dirty foot on it. The roaring falls below creates a sweet mist that makes the air sparkle in the night. Above, Varda prepares to hide her stars again. Morning is drawing near. I decide to stay, right here. Faerlain wanders off, while I take off my robe and boots, and wades into the water. I cup my hands, fill the palms with water and then pours it over my head. It is cold, though I feel no different. I keep pouring water over my head until my hair is completely soaked. A barely noticable sensation suddenly runs through my head, and the voice seems to fade away, if only for a small fraction of a second. During this brief moment I close my eyes, and in the darkness I can see Lothiavien, my dear sister. At her side another woman is standing, with a bow hanging over her shoulder. Lothiavien is smiling, but I cant see the other, as her face is hidden under a dark hood.



”Turuviel”, I say and open my eyes again. To the east, the sun begins its path over the horizon, and I can hear birds singing in the woods around me. I’m still standing in the cold water, but my legs can barely support me any longer. With a deep sigh of relief, I let myself go and fall backwards into the water, with eyes fixed at the sky. Within its cold embrace, I finally feel at peace again. Several hours pass by, and hours become days, but still I lie in the water, and wish I could stay there until the end of all things.



This truly is a place of peace.