I worry. I worry far too much, I think, for those I know who are going through a difficult time. I worry for Donhelm and Flannery. I worry for Davick and Haldrid and, to a lesser degree, myself.
Flannery is facing the worst, perhaps, and I believe it my place to help her through the days ahead if I can. Yarassi is gone, departed in his unidentified madness for the sake of she and their son and this pains her so much. She hides it well, but she suffers so deeply - her fears realised yet again. All I can do is speak words of support to her and hope that she heeds them, for who better to speak words of how one can overcome such a thing than one who has walked that path herself?
True, I remember little of that time. True, I cannot say for certain what brought me back from the abyss or what caused me to find sanity anew, but I did manage it somehow. If such a physically frail and broken woman as I was could withstand a journey to Mirkwood alone and unarmed and manage to regain her mind again in the process, then a man as strong and capable as Yarassi can certainly do the same, or even better. There is hope for him yet.
My conversation with Haldrid this day was brief. I was distracted, my mind clouded with all that has happened these past days. I fear I may have upset him without meaning to in my less-than-attentive state. He is a good man and I care for him. How, then, can I tell him what it is that truly bothers me right now? How do I speak to him of reawakened feelings when I know in my heart that it is futile to indulge them in the first place?
I did get my answers from Davick in the end. He told me something that I thought was not possible; that his heart is torn between Marinette and myself. His past actions make sense now. He explained it all and try as I might, I could not find the lie this time. I wish that I could for it would make what is to come so much less painful than I know it will be.
He must do that which I once refused to do. He must choose between one love and another. I know what the outcome will be. It is inevitable. It is assured. He will do as he has done before. He will do as his heart dictates. He will choose her.
I try to brace myself knowing that, for the third time, that man will break my heart. I try to strengthen myself knowing that this one will be the worst yet. I seek comfort in the thought that nothing has really changed, but I know better. It has changed, for now I will be left with the memory of his words, of his kiss, and of the love that will ever remain just beyond my grasp.
