Dear Diary,
Do you know what time it is? If you guessed, “Time to talk about Jonn's feelings,” you guessed right! So, what am I feeling? Frustration.
Why am I feeling frustration, you ask? Well, to understand that, you first need to know who I am, what makes me the way I am. And I don't really think you know that. So let me explain myself to you.
I care about people. I want people to be happy. People naturally want to live their lives, overcome obstacles, find a trusted and loved partner with whom to share their life, and raise smaller offshoots of themselves. They want to feel secure and safe, and they want to enjoy time with others who have many of those same qualities! I want people to have that. I even want that for myself.
But I can't have that. Not now. Why not? Because... I care about people.
I have the ability and circumstances to help others get those things. I couldn't truly be happy if I ignored the pains others are suffering and simply focused on my own wants and needs. The fact is, so many are not happy. So many are suffering. They are affronted by obstacles on all sides, so many that they themselves cannot overcome them on their own. Criminals attack passersby on sight, threatening trade and safe passage. Wretched brigands kill men, women, and children; burn homes, farms, and villages, taking what they want—what others worked hard for—and leaving death, destruction, and pain in their trail. Monsters out of nightmares and legends camp in our borders, and far, far greater dangers loom on our horizons.
And I can do something about them. I can bring my steel to meet theirs. And I am willing to do this. I am willing to fight and bleed, to suffer pain and to cry, so that others don't have to! This life, I have chosen. But am I the only one?
For a while, I didn't think so. Before I left for Rohan, I was told about a band of people who seemed much like myself. They were known as the Knights Of Eriador. Watching over the town of Hookworth from their headquarters atop a hill, these like-minded warriors had the purpose of protecting the land of Eriador from the many dangers facing it. This knowledge comforted me, as I felt some guilt in leaving Bree-land to lend my sword and shield arms to help the people of Rohan. It was good to know that without me there, the land would still have protectors willing to sacrifice for them.
Coming back home, I looked forward to contacting these Knights to find out more about them. I had the notion of even joining them to aid in our mutual fight. And yet, it seems they are nowhere to be found. For nearly three weeks, I have asked about them in taverns and inns. I have wandered their home streets of Hookworth. Yet in all that time I've run into only two or three of these fabled Knights. Inayat was one, and the only confirmed member of their group. Arenborne is her husband, and a conversation with a man of the Mark—Leoffrith—led me to believe that he shares his wife's allegiance. Another man whose name I can't remember correctly seemed a possible member as well. However, our conversation was brief, and gave no indication that they shared my convictions.
That's it. All this time, and no clear indication that these so-called “Knights of Eriador” are actually living up to their calling. Are they dead? Have they retired from their noble ways, settling down to enjoy life, hidden away in their own little village? Perhaps they fancy themselves hobbits, burrowed in their little holes with no concern greater than whether their neighbor's marigolds will grow better than their own petunias. The difference is, the hobbits have that right, as do all people really. But hobbits make no claim of minding the affairs of anyone outside their own community, whereas the Knights do.
Last night...was enjoyable. I liked it. An evening of talking and laughter, meeting new people and one—maybe two?—old friends. I would like more times like that. But that isn't the priority of my life.
I hate to judge people—let alone entire groups of them—when I don't have sufficient knowledge. So I have to assume that the majority of these Knights are off somewhere on an urgent mission, for the good of everyone. Still, I can't simply do nothing waiting for their return. Either they are a worthy organization for me to get involved with, or I'll have to focus my attention elsewhere. I must take action, for the good of my homeland and surrounding peoples. I must get the attention of whatever representatives they left behind to watch their holdings.
I must make myself more difficult to ignore.
