I arrived in my past yesterday evening. Too tired from the long walk to write, I did not even bother to set up a camp before I nestled down atop the old rock to sleep.
The way back has been surprisingly easy. It occurs to me that perhaps all the roving warriors and warbands are serving their purpose rather well if is so quiet along the roads these days. Aside from once or twice when I was forced to run and hide after being spotted by a half-orc or an angry boar, it was a wonderfully quiet journey.
My coming back to Far Chetwood may be considered a selfish act, and yet I sorely need this detour. My mother would have me return straight to Bree, but I do not feel ready to face her yet, nor the others. The thought of it fills me with dread.
I remember so little of what has occured, just snatches of thought and feeling, the occasional image that comes to mind along with them. It all seem so... disjointed. Even those brief recollections are foggy. So much of my past is horrendously clear to me; the years before Raruccu, the months in his home, my time in these woods and the earlier days of my friendship with Blodwynn and Baradar. After that my memories become less clear.
Quoth Nevermore remains with me for the moment. He sits nearby at this time, tilting his head from side to side to look at me first with one eye and then the other. I think he is impatient to be gone, but his wing is not yet strong enough to be unbound. Perhaps in a day or two I may take the makeshift splints from him and he may go on his way, but for now he still dependant upon me for safety and food.
It is strange having another to take care of in this way. It feels almost natural to me, as if my place in the world is to care for the wellbeing of others and yet I am quite aware of my love for solitude and distance from those around me. Perhaps a pet is what I need, then; a creature I can love and be loved by without any unfortunte expectations.
Being back here is good for me, I think. I feel safe here, secure and at peace. Perhaps I will find my strength here. Perhaps my courage will return to me.
