It is hard to write, I just dont want to face black and white truth of what has happened.
The wedding happened, to early, just few weeks after the first word of this..tragedy. I think my father was affraid I would flee.
I was called to home to help mother about something important, not knowing of this. Mother was angry and she just cried a lot, as she gave me her wedding dress. She asked me for forgivnes while my brothers were hold off by farmworkers from the house. It was chaos.
Northom appeared with his family, also looking suprisingly confused while our fathers shook their hands in eager manner. Then all became clear, very clear to me.
We were just valued as cow and bull that would breed new agreement, new union to them.
Northom seemed equaly unwilling at this point, as his eyes were not as brash as before but looking down during the ceremony.
The ceremony oh what a joke!!!
Our fathers, my mother weeping so loud i couldn't hear words of magister, my father shouting on her to stop crying. The smug face on Thorntoms fathers face, his young new wife was looking appalled and confused and pregnant at least seven months.
Fathers hand was around my arm, firm as steel, as I said - I do -.
We exchanted rings of heavy gold, and that was it, before our fathers raised drinks to the great union of families, we were pushed in my parents room now reodered to be for our first night with red curtans and many candles.
Is if we loved each other.
We sat in silence. On opposite sides of the bed, while sounds of merry-making were heard in the hall.
We sat in silence until he turned to me and asked me if I want to drink something. I accepted as drink is what i needed badly. So we drank, we drank and soon we talked, and it is known that drunken head speaks truth, we both spoke our truths.
He liked me before his father got my fathers land in the game of dice. At first he tought this arrangement is alright, he was proud to have me..me as his wife, saying how he was delusional that I would so eagerly accept this, as my father has told him I always mentioned him, as a fine man.
I didn't even know of him!!!
Fathers! Liars. Both of them.
I felt sorry of us, and great rage, so we sneaked out of the house trough window and went to the pond under the Hunters lodge (together with two bottles of prune spirit.)
So, i hate to say, Northom was a quite of a company as I remmeber, and a good lover. Yes..we are man and a wife after all. Drunken man and a wife.
We were woken up by Thrush who came to wash a bucketfull of clothes. She bursted in laughter as both of us were -forgive me- but naked in grass by the lake.
Word soon got out and our fathers were more then happy, and we both ashamed of each other. Days passed and we were given a own place, an old farm house of my parents with two rooms. I cooked, cleaned as a proper wife, mother visited me daily as Northom was away most of the day with his merchant work. We shared a bed but we didnt sleep again and I am thankfull he didnt ask from me that again.
He seems changed, silent, even sad, very sad. I have caught him looking at me for long while but when I would look at him back he would look away, if he was ashamed.
Perhaps he should be.
After all..
