(This page of Ithelion's diary is worn but not as much as some of the others. His writing is clearer and much more readable. A spig of dried lavender is pressed onto the page.)
I'm healing... it still hurts but I'm healing. Rae has been closer to me then anyone since my days in Lossanarch. Oh father why did you call me out for the blacksmith yet you married your lovers sister. Prey tell what did I do that was worse. Oh ladies of the river you still smile upon me here. I have not felt this warm or relaxed in much time. I'm free and able to say and do what I want....well other then drinking not that my throat feels up to that as it is quiet sore. I was warm next to my past lover but...this is more. There is a deeper lover and understanding.
Past lovers...oh what have I done. I saw him again today. He walked into the inn and Rae and he got into a glaring battle of heated stares. I....well...I'm weak I broke to pieces and cried. I'm not a fighter, I'm a healer. If even that. I'm frail and small, weak and quiet, I have not looks nor grace but I'm alright with who I am. I have knowledge and someone who loves me. Many people who do but Rae is much more then that. I see how he is with Bryn though and I will not do anything to stand in the middle of that as I know Inga needs a mother.
I should speak about the stabbing though as it did give me quiet the scare. I was at Rae's house waiting for him after some knotwork classes. He was to return and when he did not after some time I went out looking. I heard news of a stabbing and knew who it must be. I rushed to the Pony with my bag and did find he was stabbed. I laid next to him once the room ahd cleared of people and ran my hand through his hair. I'm lucky no one entered. I love him and I'm open about it but the witch hunts I hear rumors about scare me. I might have few books that would not look good if found. My studies in Gondor we broad when I had them. Oh I should rest though I still am getting the taste of bad cream out of my mouth from the Pony. I will never understand why Barli gave it to me but what is done is done.
