Dear tome,
Some time ago I made a plan how to befriend people as I shall require some aid in the future.
Here is the first draft of Guidelines for befriending strangers temporarily:
(Will be updated based on collected field evidence)
- Smile (Not too much though, you will seem scary)
- Do not speak your mind about their annoying qualities
- Do not question their delusional ideas about themselves (It will cause an instant exit)
- Nod at what they say now and then to seem interested in their words
- Chuckle at their boring jokes (It should be convincing: Rehearsal in front of mirror)
- Make them feel special by repeating their name in the conversation
- Remember what they say and refer it to later on to make it seem that you care about every word they have uttered at you
- Add a hint of honesty so that they get a sense of knowing you
- Don't add too much honesty, people do not like your grim thoughts Rose
- Don't describe cases of boils, warts, blisters and burnt skin in detail
Notes of field experiments:
Case 1. Eordion
Mission description: I broke all the guidelines. I was honest and rude, and described boils several times in detail.
Outcome description: Made a friend despite breaking all the guidelines. Will not change the guidelines at this point: Maybe he is just really weird?
Potential problems: Friendship could turn permanent.
Potential solutions: Avoid commitment. Walk away swiftly if he starts to ask too personal questions.
Case 2. Revio
Mission description: I stared at his ass, because he placed it in front of my eyes few feets away (Note: It was slightly angular compared to an average butt). My staring attracted his attention (Men like their rears to be looked at?) He said he was a bard. I asked him to play a song. He asked what sort of a song I would like. I said a sad one. He said he would play a song that tears my heart out of my chest. He played and I suppose I felt a tingle, so I applauded. He seemed pleased and left (Why?).
Outcome description: We know each other by name. This could be turned into something. Additional efforts would be required. Blah.
Case 3. Woman with fair hair
Mission description: I broke most of the guidelines. She asked if she could sit with me. I said it would depend on what sort of a person she was, but also stated we could find that out. She sat and replied her friends would describe her nice. I said I had only one friend and he would not describe me nice. She said she had a dark sense of humour too, so perhaps she was not entirely nice either. Because she changed her view about herself so suddenly (perhaps to please me) I asked her to prove her last statement by telling me a dark joke. She left.
Outcome description: Utter failure.
Case 4. John (Jorich)
Mission description: Managed to honour some of the guidelines although somehow managed to describe boils again (pay attention to that one). Let out too many grim thoughts, such as 'Reality is a boring concept', although he seemed to agree.
Outcome description: The man expressed his interest to talk with me again after I thanked him and described our discussion 'not boring'. It was the best compliment I could muster and an honest one. Lying has turned out to be utterly difficult. (Rehearsal lying in front of a mirror?)
Potential problems: Shared world view. He is very smart and somewhat cynical. Friendship could turn permanent.
Potential solutions: Avoid him.
Current status: 1/4 of temporary friends obtained.
