My intent to leave our relationship in the past did not go so well. I did call upon the Variag after a chance encounter in the Inn and I awoke in a strange bed. Since she put to voice my fears through observation I find my desire to retreat grow stronger. I have been spending my days simply surveying my operation and keeping a closer eye upon my guardsmen and caravan drivers as they make their local shipments and me turning up unannounced as I have without warning seems to have forced them to up their game. Occasionally I have encountered the Dalesman and Captain's daughter in the Inn.
I must confess to having had more than a few idle thoughts of departure. Even as I set my affairs in order. Work to maintain my merchant business. This always happens sooner or later without fail. Musing of far-off lands, I'm never quite content with my lot. I find myself thinking of why I came to this village in the first place. It is nearly a year ago now since I came here and since I ceased my investigation and hunt for vengeance. No amount of blood spilled would bring the girl that I foolishly loved back and with the waters so muddied as to who committed that murder I will never find out who truly did it.
All this talk of marriage and wedding feasts makes me think upon a different time. It seems like a distant dream that I of all people proposed to wed myself.
I don't know anymore.
I don't even know why I'm writing.
I suppose it's to starve off the monotony of simply staring into the flames of my hearth.
There's nothing much to divulge.
I learnt today that the Captaincy of the Sellsword company has now passed to the masked man. And so it seems the farce continues. It seems that the Ranger lover did not even have the courage to announce her standing down in person. When I received the missive to go to the hall I was most perplexed. Why she even accepted the role in the first place being the mother of a newborn I don't know. You could argue that she's done the right thing now but the manner and the lack of respect that sigil has been shown by others before her and by her no less has lowered my opinion of her even more.
I do hope I'm not captain next week. The ridiculousness would have hit a peak then given that I am not even a full member. The masked man should do a better job than the recent occupants. He has much skill with a blade as I have witnessed myself.
I have decided to offer a contract to a man of Trestlebridge after a minor setback as my first choice of bookkeeper refused me, claiming higher ambitions. Well good luck to her.
I suppose I will try to get some sleep, I hear there's a new stablegirl at my Inn. I wonder who they appointed, I decided to let the inn's keeper handle it.
Not much else to speak of, apart from trysts in the late hours with my childhood friend and the sickness. Repetition does not make for a riveting read and there is much of it in this damned journal of mine.
