Daigan's book, entry '5'

''As I write this I lay my eyes upon Bree. We've reached it finally. My companions seem tired, less wary as ever. They're mourning. They lost one of their own for the sake of me. None of them blame me openly, but I can read it on their faces. They set out to protect me, most likely thinking that this would be an easy, well paid assignment. They never realised what the cost this might bring. His burial seemed so peaceful, as if nothing could disturb this. No one said a word, they just looked at the grave. They didn't need to. The words could never come near to what I see on their faces. It has been weeks since my quill last touched your paper. What is this? Am I referring to you now? You're a book. The only meaning you have is to allow me to put down my words.. My thoughts.. You are to keep them safe. I am losing my mind. It must be of the constant guilt I feel for the loss of that boy. If I had any leadership within this group I would've sacrificed myself for the kid, without hesitation. Perhaps this feels like Erain all over? It is one of my few weaknesses, sacrificing myself for my men. Those that sworn allegiance to me or follow me into battle. Who put their trust in my leadership, in my choices. But I could've never sacrificed myself for Erian. I wasn't there. Still, I should have sent people with them, to protect them. It is foolish to blame myself for all of this. They know the risks of this life they live. Erian's death wasn't my fault either. I wasn't there, Daigan! I could not have stopped the inevitable! I took care of Erian the best I could and all things come to an end! I hear a rustling sound behind me, is it the wind? Or perhaps another one of those orcs? I am mistaken, it is one of my companions that comes back carrying a dead deer. The taste of venison will not leave my tongue for quite some time. It doesn't taste that bad though.. It just doesn't taste as well the first time I ate it on this journey. I know what to do. Who to find. Who to kill. This better be worth it.''