23 Lithe ~
Am I not as adorable as I think I am? Gorlen and I were in the Pony and we spotted that giant, Delugoth, the one wanted for crimes of murder and rape in Rohan. I passed by him in the hallway and went about searching for a napkin I had lost the day before and the man entered the room to help me. To say I was nervous was an understatement, he's easily more than twice my weight and a foot and half taller. And a killer! So he was actually quite nice and found the napkin, giving it back to me. He was about to leave and I had to keep him occupied so I began to ask questions. I was a bit jittery and maybe I over did it but he was not very charmed nor did he open up. I think I made him suspicious or I was not his type. Maybe he likes plumper girls. Either way, he clammed up and left without Gorlen being able to get the drop on him. I feel rather bad about it, my first chance to help Gorlen on a job and I failed. He was forgiving and I think rather relieved that the man did not make a move on me. To be honest, so am I. I think I'll leave the bait jobs to women more capable of defending themselves. Delugoth could have snapped my neck like a twig. Gorlen took me to have some tea at the Mess Hall. We enjoy tea quite often now and it is very good. I've become a very big fan of the drink.
27 Lithe ~ So much has been going on, work has been very busy and I spend my free time with Gorlen. We've grown quite fond of each other and I find myself wanting to tell him those three words but I'm afraid to. I don't know how he would react nor do I know for sure? My heart sings when I think about him and when I see him, I feel like I'm floating and that we are the only two people in the world. We met in the field tonight, he tried to show me how to hold a sword as he had promised me lessons in self defense. I'm afraid his sword was too heavy and I could not hold it steady. We gave up after I nearly knocked myself out and I took him to a quiet place full of books and a nice bench with pillows. He wanted to talk, something was weighing on his mind all night. That's when he told me.
He has a child. Or will, rather. It was shocking to say the least, I felt angry and betrayed for a moment but said nothing. For once thinking before I speak and I'm glad of it. Gorlen explained that he did not see the mother anymore, she had pulled away from him and was locked up in her room. I could see it made him sad to talk about and I could not remain angry at him. I don't think it's possible for me. I hugged him and told him that while I was surprised, I was not mad at him nor would I leave him for such a thing. He seemed quite relieved and told me that he might love me, that he certainly fancied me over anyone. It felt good and we spent the next few hours snuggling on the bench. It does still bother me a bit and until I know everything about this situation it will. I'll leave it be for now, I'm too happy to want to bring up such things again. Or speak about his father, he seemed adamant about not talking about him.
