A dawn approaches

Time...I felt there was no end to the long days alone in my home. The largest task at hand, tending the fire for fear it die during the night. Now though, the sudden realistation that soon I will no longer be alone, it frightens me. A wealth of fears coarsing through my mind. Some of the birth, some further into the future. I know I am able to raise this child alone, I have faced worse than a helpless newborn babe...but do I want to? I try, try so hard to not think on the past. The men in my life each in turn have stated Yarassi was fool to leave me, confused as to why he would do such a thing...that I am strong, beautiful, that I could have any man I desire. I do not know if I will ever wish another. I am trying to harden my heart, making the only love I have to share being a mothers love. He took any remaing hope, faith and trust from me, and cast it beyond my sight. As wrong as it seems, I shall never trust another man again. With all the strength others seem to think I hold, they are wrong for it is but a mask. Too many nights have I laid alone, falling asleep with reddened eyes and a damp pillow. Too many days I have endured whispers when visiting the town. Too many times have I bolstered my courage, comforted others in grief, only to return to an empty home and sink to my knees in dispair. Glimpses of happiness, small pockets here and there since his sudden departure. Though I should embrace them, smile, laugh...I feel guilt. One..one friend who I have known for a long time now, wishes to support me with the child. Rough, a temper, older than I, yet kind, thoughtful. He loves me, even while carrying another mans babe, my heart corrupted with pain, hate and doubt, he still loves me. He does not ask me for my choice now, but hopes for a future in our lives. A father himself, I hold no doubt in his ability to raise the child...but...he is not the man who I gave so much to...I do not know if I am able to give anymore, even if he would give me everything. I feel the baby move within me often, he thinks it a son, as strong as his mother aparently...I am not prepared, I have little time and the birth will be upon me...at the beginning Yarassi and I would imagine what the child would look like..Black hair, green eyes?..Red hair, blue eyes?...I will know very soon...