So ends another chapter in my life, Aemalia, as much as I wish I could have helped you. I fear the pain runs too deep. May you find the peace and happiness you so truly deserve. Before you ask oh curious reader, No, she was not yet another object of my desire. Sweet though she was, delicate even. I did not think of her in that way ultimately. Her mere presence in my home since I saved her from the cruel men who tormented her and abused her thus had become more of a burden on my already damaged spirit than anything else. In the end it would have done me more harm than good. No, I hope you find yourself within the walls of the Dawnhall at last. Whatever your opinions of your father.
It has been a very long month. Kríea continues to be a constant at my side. I had a most amusing mishap of late where I ended up stranded in my room in the Pony without any clothes. Oh, Seaver, you should have known better. Were you a tad more sober I should think the alarm bells would have been sounded instantly. After all, I've known girls like her all my life. Thieves that is, whether first-hand or by word-of-mouth what a very silly situation indeed. Still, fair play to the girl. I did not think there much risk of being robbed as I don't often carry much of value but it didn't occur to me in my drunken state that she would have stolen my clothes. Still, I got my revenge. A face full of pie later full pelt in the market and she is now blowing me kisses in the hallway of the Inn! No hard feelings then, on either part. Doubt I shall go there again mind but then you never know. I'll certainly be better prepared. The majority of time I feel beyond my years but that day I felt like a teenager again. At least, what I assume. I recall spending most of my teen years simply trying to stay one step ahead of the rogues I was surrounded by just in order to survive. Keep your nose clean, head down and get on. Perhaps this explains my wild behaviour of later times, I've spent half my life having to be more grown up than those who actually were.
But of late, there has been no joy in my life. Each and every night I have wandered, her name ringing in the back of my mind, her voice, her utter acceptance of who I am, what I am. The terrible things I have done. Beneath the facade. The fates, ever they laugh at me. She is dead, they say. She is gone. But as they weave my life's thread I look back on their work and notice a pattern of deception. Each and every time I feel it is spinning in the right direction they shear it and weave in another. But no cut of the thread is fatal. Oh no, that would be too simple. So am I accursed to sit awake wondering forevermore? Will there ever be closure? I would not wish this upon my worst enemy. So though I rise each morning and paint on a brave face. Don my smile, go about my daily routine. When the night comes... Oh, when the night comes I walk the Alley. Something has to distract me from this torture. I think it's time I visited a certain someone I knew hurt her before. Who has hurt others. I am not sure it was him. There would still be rumours that he and his associates seek me. Either way, whatever the outcome. He will wish that he had never been born...
