This journal would not be complete if I would not write about dear Celnessyn and the bathhouse. Should you ever meet her, you would soon notice that she is the most kind and caring woman. She has the feeling of a mother who has empathy and time for every single person in this world, good or bad. She is the most polite person I have ever met and she addressed people with milord and milady, even though there would have not been need for such courteous words.
My first meeting with Celnessyn was pretty memorable. But before I get into it, I must explain an earlier happening. I was enjoying a glass of red wine in the Pony few days before when an ugly and big woman in not so flattering dress approached me and addressed me. Big as in muscular and tall, never had I seen a woman that tall and muscular! It never occurred to me what she wanted, for she made no sense. Clearly she could not get the answers she wanted from me and got horribly upset. She insulted me and then threw a full goblet of red wine on my dress! I was truly shocked of this evil act, for that dress was my favourite one! I had to rush out of the Pony to clean my dress and I spent all night at it. In the morning I vowed to take revenge over my dress and seek this woman. That time I did not know that later this ugly woman would play a bigger part in my life and change it. But on that day and many days to come, I hated her.
A day or two passed by when I was yet again in the Pony. I believe I was talking to Osyth when I spotted this ugly woman again. She was standing by the counter, her back towards me, but I knew it was her. I walked to her and demanded her attention. She did give her attention to me, but did not seem too intimidated by my appearance or my words. After a moment of discussion I lost my temper and using all my might, I hit the woman on her chest with my fist! Dear reader, I must tell you, that time I was a weak woman and certainly not a fighting type of a person. Thus when my fist met her chest plate, I was the one in pain, not her. I doubt she even felt anything. But my fist, my hand, it was in pain. And I cried loudly in pain.
At this point Osyth seemed to think better of the situation and dragged my away from the ugly woman. He took me to a woman I had not met before and I showed my aching hand to her. She assured me that it will be fine in few days and I felt a bit better. And soon I learned who this woman was. And she was called Celnessyn.
It took a much longer time before I befriended her however. It was not until I lived in her house when I started to see her first as a friend and then eventually as a sister to me. I see Celnessyn as a sister I never had, as an older sister to be precise. For a long time I thought that she is older than I am, but then I learned that I am the older one! Knowing that made me really question myself and realize how childish I was. Celnessyn had a husband and a child, and even though life had not gone as she had hoped, she seemed to have reached more than I had in couple more years. Though would I give away all those foolish years I have spent in the Mark? No, I would not. They made me as I am, as Celnessyn’s past has made her who she is.
Celnessyn was a busy woman with many works. I never got fully aware of what all she did do, all I knew that after it was just the two of us, our days had often a pattern like this: I saw her briefly in the morning as we both went to work and then I saw her in the evening as we both went to bed. To my knowledge, she had at least two works. No, three. She had first two and then three. She cleaned some place called Dawnhouse, a big house apparently. Then she took care of a baby. And lastly, she worked in a bathhouse. And that bathhouse was something amazing.
I have always liked bathing. It is something I do daily basis, if I am given a chance. When I lived in the all-women house, I had a chance to bathe every day, but not as long as I had wished to. There were plenty of others who also wished to bathe and I had to bathe as quickly as I could. Thus when I heard that there was a bathhouse in Bree of all places, and it was a women’s bathhouse, I was thrilled. I wished to see that place and one day my wish was granted.
Seeing the bathhouse for the first time was quite wonderful. I do not know if you, dear Reader, have ever been to a bathhouse, for I had not. I did not know what to expect, to be honest. When I stepped inside the bathhouse, I was in a very big room with a big bath tub. There was a broad range of different soaps and body oils which from you could choose. There were two other rooms in the bath house as well, a massage room where you could change your clothes in and a steam room. A steam room, can you imagine? Up to this date I never have had a chance to try the steam room, but I have bathed in the bathhouse several times.
As I mentioned earlier in this journal, I shared a house with Terry for some time. Our time together was quite short, much shorter than we had expected. We were happy and content with our life together, but then it came a time when Wrenna needed Terry and he went to live with her. During that time I had a strange man following me, trying to find out where I live. I could not tell about this to Terry, for Wrenna needed him more than I did, but at the same time I was scared. I was left alone in our house and I was so afraid that I could not sleep at night.
Something grave happened these days that I learned only much later. But I did soon notice that Osyth was nowhere to be seen, which was odd. However I continued my day as carefree as I could until next day I entered the Pony. A kinswoman I knew approached me and asked of his wellbeing. I was a bit puzzled, for I did not understand why she would ask such a thing, and then I learned that there had been a confrontation between him and a certain horrible, lying man. I was told that both parties had left the scene in not so good condition. Dear Reader, you can surely imagine how I felt. It was as if my heart would have dropped to the bottom of my stomach and suddenly I felt cold and uneasy. I left the Pony; I did not finish my drink, for I could not stay there.
As I stood on the porch of the Pony, I tried to clear my mind from the worry and think. Where would he have gone to? Or where would he have been taken to? The bathhouse was my first and most likely option. Thus I walked all the way from Bree-town to the bathhouse, only to find its door locked and no one inside. Celnessyn was nowhere to be seen. That worried me even more. I had no other choice than walk back to Bree-town and search from the Pony. I asked around, but no one had seen him or heard anything. Empty-handed I walked outside the Pony yet again and thought to myself where he could be. It took me some time, but then it came to me: “Combe. He must be in Combe.”
And from Combe I did find him, alive but beaten. I was relieved to see him alive, but the grave wound he had worried me, truly it did. He was quite weary of what had happened and I promised to come to see him the following day. That night as I finally returned home, I fell to my bed and fell asleep immediately, that tired I was. And the next day I went to visit him, just like I had promised. Celnessyn was there as well and it was agreed that he should return to their home, for it is quite expensive to live in an inn, even in as battered as the one in Combe. Before they left, we had a discussion and I had to confess what had been bothering me, that I was afraid to be alone in the house. Then happened something I did not expect. Celnessyn invited me to stay with them until Terry would come back. I agreed to this and we all returned to their house and I slept my night there.
And so began my time living with Celnessyn and Osyth. I had my own bed and room in their house, or well, Celnessyn’s house, and it made me feel a bit spoiled. Such a small house and I had my own room! But then again, all my clothes and items would have no fitted in a smaller space. Sometime afterwards I got a work from the Pony and Osyth started to walk me home from work. It was a happy time, a pleasant life. I wish I could go back to it.
The way we lived was not the most traditional way and I was advised to not speak about it freely. It would have seen as odd. A married and an unwed woman living together with a man they are not related to. But I doubt people would have ever understood the nature of our relationship. Celnessyn was a married woman and saw herself as one even though she was separated from her husband. He wished to treat me with respect and so he did. Thus nothing tainted happened between us, at least not to my knowledge. And I do admit, should this had been public knowledge, it might have had huge impact on my reputation and not a good one. But to me, it seemed like the most convenient and normal way to live. I never meant to stay long there, only for a week or two, until Terry would have returned. But Terry never returned and my stay got longer and longer. And eventually I did not wish to leave. Actually, I could have stayed there, living with Celnessyn and Osyth, for the rest of my life. That was my honest wish for a long time, that we could stay like that, three of us. But one does not always get what she wishes for and thus I left. And now I have no place to return to.
I was often asked how could I live that way, how could I share the man I loved with another woman. And I answered to that with assuring that it did not bother me. I do wonder if I was even honest to myself when said it. Could we have lived so, three of us, until the end of our days? As naïve as my wish is, I truly doubt it. My jealousy grew stronger as my feelings became deeper towards him. Did I wish to share him with another woman? I truly did not. As much as I cared for Celnessyn, I did not wish to share him with her either. But I endured and kept my thoughts to myself. Because I believed that if I would be patient enough, one day he would be mine. But as you know, dear Reader, this did not happen. He will be never mine and I will be forever alone.
One would have thought that after his death I would have stayed with Celnessyn. She would have needed my support and surely she would have wanted to take care of me. But his death evoked feelings in me that I never knew existed, feelings that perhaps had been hidden for long time. Have you experienced a feeling that causes your entire world to distort and turn into blurry shapes? Such rage and anger cannot truly be described with mere words. But that is how I felt and I wished to hide that from Celnessyn and I left. She did say that I would be always welcome to return, should I wish so. But can I ever return? No, I do doubt it. I cannot become the person I was, thus I can never return to the house I once called my home.
