Many believe that politeness is but a mask worn in the world to conceal bad thoughts and impulses, which folk put on and take off as it conveniences them, but I politely disagree with this. Politeness is goodness of heart put into daily practice; and there can be no politeness without kindness. True politeness is the harmonious music that always arises from a benevolent heart, and those who have benevolent hearts will never, under any circumstances, be rude. They may be ignorant of the forms of good manners; they may be simple country-folk who do not know which glass to use for a particular wine, and may mix up their silverware, and so on and so forth, but they will never be heard speaking words so as to wound the feelings of another; they will never be seen making others discomfited for their own personal convenience, or aggrandizement, or to vent their spleen, and the truly polite person will never will find it too much trouble to extend the gentle courtesies of life to every one they meet, whether they be high or low, peasant or lord.
Rudeness repels, whereas courtesy attracts.
Never by word or action notice the defects of another; be kind, for every one of us stands in need of kindness, and the laws of courtesy require the consideration of the feelings of others. Exercise forbearance and tolerance, and above all, be patient. Remember that to be truly polite, one must be polite at all times. In conversation, keep your remarks and your attention entirely to the person with whom you are conversing. Do not talk to please yourself, but those around you, lest others find what you say not worth hearing; and always be mindful of the topic spoken, and if it is appropriate for the place, and the person to whom it is spoken. Be careful in conversation to avoid topics which may make your companion distressed, and if you perceive that it is painful, or annoys, or troubles the company, do not stop all of a sudden, as this is very awkward. Do not make matters worse by apologizing. Turn to another subject as soon as possible, and pay no heed to the upset your remark may have excited. It is as a missed note in a song; if the musician continues to play, it is quickly forgotten, but if he lays down his instrument, crying about his error, everyone will notice it that much more. Some ill-bred folk will, for the sake of appearing witty or full of sass, wound the feelings of another deeply, by speaking of painful subjects. Do not do this; it is not only unmannerly and ill-bred, but cruel.
Rudeness has no place anywhere.
Having all the discourse flow from one person is not conversation, but a means of holding all the attention to himself, and refusing to provide others an opportunity to speak turns a delightful conversation into a dull lecture. And if the talk is about a story or incident, do not interrupt with questions, even if you do not understand – wait until the person is finished speaking. If he is telling a jest that you have heard before, do not steal the words from the teller’s mouth, before he has time to utter them. One must remember to overlook deficiencies of others when conversing with them, and never correct their grammar before others, if they mispronounce a word, because it makes them feel ashamed, and may cause hurt feelings.
There are many different peoples in the world, and many different languages, and not everyone has the same command of his mother-tongue. A good rule of thumb is, if one is to speak a foreign language in serious converse, he should be fluent in it, lest he make an embarrassing error with verbiage. And a special note should be made with regards to conversing with foreigners: if they speak slightingly of your country, do not retort rudely, or resentfully; never, under any circumstances, tell them that some custom of their own country is worse!
Rudeness never improves any one’s manners or vocabulary.
Always consider your companions, and if they would be interested in hearing what it is you wish to tell them. When the company is mixed, miscellaneous subjects of conversation should be offered. Beware speaking of perverse, or narrow, or dull topics, lest you be considered perverse, narrow and dull-minded, and a person to be strictly avoided. And do not speak of any froward subject, such as death, vermin, or uncleanliness, at table, or before a room of people gathered for society. They do not wish to hear your nauseating tales of revolting scenery. However, if you must listen to such talk, be polite: nod to the speaker here and there, and do not let your attention waver, and when the speaker has concluded, change the subject to something more pleasing to the ear. Above all, avoid arguments. Keep your temper in control, and if you find the conversation getting too hot, change the subject to another topic.
Rudeness is never an excuse for rudeness.
