what manner of monster am I ?

Time... time is a concept truly wasted on mortals. I know now what time is, it is pointless. I've existed for over 7000 years.... 7048 now by my count, during this only life I've played many parts. In my youth I was the young crusader seeking strength to avenge my people, how foolish I was back then as now I know the dead seek rest... not for some one to avenge them. When I had considered myself to be past my adolescence I became a wandering fool of sorts, seeking riches to be gained by the end of my sword. how many men had fallen at my hand in those years? it is beyond counting. so many sins , I think that now I am beyond paying such a penance as no one could be forgiven for so much death.... as centuries became seconds I found myself as father. poor child I couldn't take care of her in her youth, I left her with the dwarrow of the blue mountains to be educated and raised until she sought me out on her own accord. hmm had I known what would happen years later my daughter... I would have taken your place. Rilruin, i visit your grave sight often. what I did to those whom murdered you is my greatest sin, one that cannot be forgiven.... now in this day in age I find myself as a wandering hero of sorts. I have friends all of whom i shall out live, but I was given the greatest of gifts a small glimpse at may come in time. I shall remain a guardian of middle earth until such a time as the ending of days..... now as I sit here quill in hand, bottle of wine sitting next to me, and my pipe craning out of my mouth... I ask myself what manner of monster have I become? one to whom death will not come, is it a gift or punishment for my sins? In truth I feel it is both...... I shall remain and watch this world until all empires crumble to dirt , until the trees once again span the vastness of these lands, until such a time when I can greet the Reaper as an old friend whom I've not seen for many a year.......