Memoir the First, A fair nights sleep

Can nothing just be simple? Easy? Gods, I wish I didn't have the uncanny need to please others.. First, Odall talked me out of my thoughts of, "bending the rules". He knew my dad whilst he ran the watch.. One thing he said that stuck with me was, "He had his eyes more toward the horizon that at the ground in front of him." or, something like that. I think he meant that it's best to focus on now, that to chase wild fantasies (though I could be interpreting wrong). He also told me a tale about the hedge wall, and an old.. Something close to the Mayor? A man that tried to bend the rules, ending up simply being called a racist.. Quite a big push in the right direction.

The issue I face now is in reguards to an unshared love interest (if you'd call it that). After a briefly known friend, Varawen, assured in helping me get a drunk man safely up a staircase, and talking with her a bit.. She, made an odd request, asking if she could kiss me.. Why is it that the situation was so stunning that I could stand to tell her no? Because she hasn't wronged me? Because it was just an odd situation? Probably both.. She doesn't seem to understand that I don't think of her (or any other female) in that manor. It isn't like I can just choose who I am attracted to, right? She argues that it shouldn't matter what you look like...

I hate to disappoint her - she got a kiss on me anyway.. It doesn't change anything. It does make me glad I don't drink to the point where I have no impulse control, but doesn't change anything.. Then going on about how I was honorable, respectful, intelligent, and pretty.. It was really flattering, but I am still certain I am not gravitated towards her in that manor.. I'm glad she finally did back away..

Fortunately, I was given a few days off, given a chance to clear my head I spent them camping out in Chetwood by myself. I have to return to work tomorrow, but at least I will have had the chance to cool down after everything that has taken place thus far... Finally get a good rest..