Over the past few months I have been reguarling through Bree-Land with my wife and child, much more than i'd like to be in all honesty. The town is full of self proclaimed knights and whores, though the drinks of this land are, at the least, acceptable. The whores you might ask? Well if you already have as many diseases as you have fingers i'm sure they would be more than decent. Though I have found that there are, if you find yourself stuck in this cess-pool, a decent ammount of tolerable folk. Mostly the locals, cheery, drunk, farmers, and commonfolk. I find them to be the easiest to get along with as the rest happen to be either meaningless nobles from some place I dont care about or '' hopefull hero's ''. Oh yes! And the ones who think they rule the world with their every step, though enough about that, I have dedicated my time in writing about the drinks of my travels and if you have a tolerable or patient nature I am sure you will find the beverages of this land to be worth it, if nothing else. I would not reccomend coming here soely for that reason, but if you are passing by why the sod not. Without further ado, the listings of the Pony are first. Barliman Butterburr is the owner and propriator of this establishment, a greedy and pungy fellow but he makes a good ale, so I dont complain.
Mead and or Ale: Barliman's Best - I am not sure exactly what it is, though the taste would play upon an ale for the most part, there is a sweetness I cannot put my tounge on. The name would hold up to it's own I suppose as it does seem to be ''the best'' he serves, which in my opinion is not saying much but what do I know. It's texture is dark and it has a deep, lasting taste. So for those who do not like it, it is a nightmare as it ''will'' stay with you. Neadless to say, the ''best'' also comes with the fact that it get's you piss-faced the fastest. Depending on you're gut I recommend two or three over a decent ammount of time. So, overall if you happen to come upon the Prancing-Pony in the ''lavish'' town of Bree than try this first, if you're a strong drinker. If not, you'll be on you're arse in thirty minnutes.
Ale: Blind Troll Stout - I was rather sceptical trying this one as it does have the words ''Troll'' and ''blind'' added into it. Though being the man I am, I of course indulged. This ale has no remarkable taste or rememborable effect, as the effect is that you wont remember it. Though it wont get you as drunk as fast as ''Barlimans Best'' will, it will defenentally punch you in the face harder. It's taste is horribly dark and strong, like what I would assume a trolls toe would taste like, with a bit of water and hops poured over it. It is like a dark swill of swirling mystery that you pour down you're throat to embark upon a journey of darkness that will most likely end with you being in bed with someone you've never spoken to before or seeing flying hobbits and purple skies. For the weak drinker, this another deffinate ''stay away'' for the stronger one I say to you, it's not worth it.
Ale: Barliman's Frothy Pint of Ale - Well it is deffenetally frothy, as that happens to be half of it's contents. The mug is deep and they come in pints, meaning you wont be running out of it very fast unless you're an' idiot. The taste it rather foamy, mixed with the distinct taste of hops and barley. A average drink for anyone, it wont get you drunk fast and unless you drink more than you can hold you most likely wont be throwing up or waking up next to someone you will regret waking up next to. So I reccomend it to the lighter or normal drinker. Overall, one of his better drinks.
Wines: Red, White and Isen - What can I say? I dont like wine, too forgiving and too generally disgusting. For wine I suppose it is simply that, wine. The red and white atleast, the isen is a large bit stronger, sort of like a swill or a light mead. I will not comment much on these, they are acceptable for wine drinkers, find out for yourself.
Cider: Barliman's Hard Cider - Again, the name mostly describes this one. It's hard going down and slow to come out, and of course, made of apples. As are all acceptable and normal ciders. Being a cider it is not very alchaholic and will not get you piss-faced unless you drink a unfathomable ammount, though it ''will'' get you drunk, eventually. I myself enjoy ciders, as I enjoy apples. Id you're not a apple fan then pess off and dont drink it obviously, you'll hate it. It tastes like apples, with a few other unimportant flavours so apple lovers, come and buy out his stock by the tens. I personally think it better than all the other drinks, though for a normal drinker I would again assume the most preferred of Barlimans stock to be ''His best''.
Mead: Barliman's mead - A better than average mead, light in colour and sweet in taste. It will not linger on you're tounge long and it wont make you wish you had a knife to cut of you're tounge, or if you have a knife, a friend to do it for you. This is another I would recommend buying his stock out with.
Beer: Moor-Boar Beer - The name of his drinks yet again, make me sceptical. I love boar, and I love beer. Though those certain objects tend to be of the kind that you would rather not have combined. Like trolls and stouts or whores and diseases.It seems like a normal beer, perhaps a bit wattered down and perhaps a bit expensive but I see nothing particuarly special that should ''make'' it more expensive. A decent beer, with a bad price, what more is to be said?
Cider: Stars of Old Cider - I've heard that apparently it is made of apples ''blessed by elves''. Even though I find that complete rubbish, the even thought that the apples put into it might have been touched by an elf or have one breathe near it keeps me away, this is the one drink that I have not tried. If you happen to bear a sip and not instantly turn into a ponce or a leaf then tell me you're opinion, and I will mark it down. On a second note, I was contacted by some lad named Alewood, reguarding this certain drink. Apparently it's strong, as he said he was lieing on his back very shortly after drinking it, of course, given them name it could be he has a tight gut, or drank alot of it. From what i'm told, it's for heavy drinkers.
Beer: Barlimans small Beer - Better than water, but not by much, not much much indeed. I think I even saw some spit floating around in mine. Note to self, watch Barliman when he preparres my drinks.
I will be writing a list of Combe's drinks soon enough, hopefully Lizbeth has overall tolerable drinks instead of just a few. Untill then, this has been Etheirgrum's guide to Ale, mead, and alchahol.
-Etheirgrum
