These latest days have been naught but arguments. I tire of them. I tire of the strife and hostilities, the bile and vitriol, the pain and anguish. I wish for peace and quiet but even in my sanctum of Far Chetwood is it denied to me.
Nevarian sought me out earlier. After days of being pent up inside the Pemberth house, toiling ceaselessly with that dratted toxin and making little progress, I come here to clear my mind, find my peace and seek a new angle from which to tackle the problem. To wish a moment for myself, and perhaps some time with my dearest Cyfier would be too much to ask for, it would seem, for I had not been here long when the elf interrupted my meditations with accusations that I was being purposely slow about my work in an effort to punish him for his actions toward me. The nerve! It is not the first time that he has made such an accustion, but it will be the last. I have told him where to find my notes and instructed him to continue this research without me. There are few things in which I feel I can take pride, but my ability to work efficiently and with professionalism is one such. To be impuned in such a manner is insufferable.
The day's festivities did not end with his departure. Rellas found me there a short time later. Our talk was pleasant at first, but soon turned uncomfortable. I had thought him moved away from his phantom feelings for me, but it would seem that I was quite incorrect. Upon learning of my recent transference to Cyfier, Rellas grew angry and hurt. One would almost think that I had betrayed him and not Haldrid from the words he spoke and the manner in which he conducted himself toward me. I had no desire to hurt him, I did not even know that I could break his heart yet again.
I am also of the opinion that there is something on the mind of Aakusti, although it can be difficult to tell thanks to his constantly maintained scowl. He ensures that I know of his continued presence by making himself obvious, roasting deer and then trying to feed me. Today he outright dumped a slab of steaming venison into my lap whilst I tried to meditate. Much of the time he barely looks in my direction and makes no attempt to speak with me. Is he missing home, I wonder? His behaviour is certainly becoming ever more strange.
Why must it all be so suddenly complicated? Never before have I hurt people by following my heart and I have certainly never before hurt so many different people for the same reason. I do not understand how it could or why it should be so. I did not mean for this to occur. I had no intention of upsetting anyone or causing any sorrow. But that is precisely what I have done. What can I do to make ammends for this transgression? What can I do to set this right?
I must know.
I must try.
