The road stretches out before me, dipping between high sides of rocks before it turns the corner and peters out in the open moors. The sun warms the earth under my feet, and a soft breeze blows, shaking the tops of the firs as it passes, although the trees of the valley at my back remain still – sheltered by the mountains that surround. I tilt my face up to the sky for a moment, shutting my eyes and relishing the touch of the sun. Beside me, my horse gives an impatient snort and nudges the hand that holds her reins, as if she too feels the restless urge that possesses me, urging me onwards. A bird hidden somewhere in the trees lets out a brief trill of song before I see it take flight, out into the endless blue of the sky. Today is a day for freedom, for wandering the wide world and discovering her secrets. On a day such as this, even the lurking darkness of Moria seems far behind me – the sun reaches into every corner of my mind and I find I am at peace, able to put aside the memories of fear, of battle, and of death that still seem to cluster behind me. Ahead, freedom awaits – in the wild moors of the Trollshaws and beyond – lands I have only begun to get to know.
I teeter on the edge of betrayal for only a moment longer before I mount my horse, turning her around and riding back down into the valley, heading for the stables. I do not know which of us is least satisfied by these trips – she needs more exercise than I can currently give her in this manner. As for myself, these brief glimpses of freedom do nothing to ease my restlessness. There are times when I stand at the borders of Imladris and wonder whether I could simply go – Galdorion is so busy with his work and some secret project that I see little of him, and perhaps he would not notice if I were away for only a day or so.
I cannot entertain such thoughts. Even if to do such a thing were not a betrayal of the worst kind – the breaking of a promise made for the sake of one I love – it seems impossible that I should still have learned nothing from the events of the last few weeks. Twice now in my lifetime my own foolish and reckless behaviour has almost brought down destruction on myself and those I love. Galdorion is undoubtedly right – it is better if I stay here, where it is safe. I have already lost so much through giving into restlessness. It is time I learnt to bear such things with patience.
As if to remind me of such things, a letter from Sidhon arrived for me here, only a few days ago. He writes that he has been travelling on business elsewhere, and seems to have heard nothing of what has happened recently. I must confess that I am glad of this – I had not even thought of how it would seem to him, to hear that I was lost once again. As I reach the stables and unsaddle my horse, I find myself thinking of the other things he wrote in his letter – things about our parents. It seems strange to finally know their names, let alone the other details he mentioned, even in such a short letter. I still find it hard to believe, sometimes, that this apparent stranger knows almost every detail of my lost past – even that he shared most of that past. I know it can never be the same as remembering it for myself – even my relationship with Sidhon cannot ever be the same, for he is a stranger to me now, and I to him, and we must get to know one another once more. Yet at the same time it is comforting to rediscover those connections to a family and a world that I once thought I would never know again.
Since I received Sidhon's letter I have spent much time in the library of Elrond's House, seeking for any records or further notes on my parents, however slight. It might be easier, perhaps, to simply ask Sidhon for these, but in truth I welcome the distraction from other thoughts. At times this valley seems so narrow... yet within the walls of Elrond's library I find a vast world of experiences and knowledge which, for me, is wholly uncharted. Sometimes it is even enough.
