It occurs to me that my mother will never give up on this cockamaime idea to marry me off to the cheiftains son. It is an honour to be chosen, she has said, but I find that I cannot agree. I see no honour in having this decision made for me. I see no honour in being forced to wed a man for whom I have no feelings. I see no honour in sharing the furs of a man who I do not want. All I can see along that path is entrapment, resentment and a life devoid of true joy for us both.
Still, I know my mother. Vaeshiva is stubborn and prideful. Were I wed already, or due to be, she would leave this alone and be happy for me for I know that is all she truly seeks. She wants me to be settled and safe, with a strong man at my side and a babe or two for her to teach as she missed out on teaching her own daughter. She wants me to be happy and truly believes that I would be did I become a wife. I appreciate the sentiment, but not the method.
I could tell her of Vaenthal, but I believe that to do so would only make matters worse. Our people are accomodating, yes, or at least they try to be. Nevetheless, they remain insular and rather xenophobic. They may not be as fanatical as the Trev Duvardain in that respect, but they would be far from pleased with the prospect of one of their own being with an elf. Mother, of course, originating from the Iron Crown, is still highly intolerant of any not of the Estaravi. To tell her that my heart has been captured not by a Man but by one of the Nimîr would only reinforce her will to take me back to Aughaire and see me unwillingly married to the son of Crannog. She would, no doubt, see it as saving me.
After some pondering over this situation, I believe that I may have come up with a way to avoid this fate. I cannot marry my love and I cannot tell my mother of our relationship but, perhaps, I can convince her that I am to wed another.
I spoke to Remis concerning my thoughts. He is the perfect candidate. He is well-presented, has the look of wealth and is both friendly and charming. The scar upon his face should be enough to convince my mother that he is strong enough to look after me but, best of all, he is a con artist and has the reputation of a womaniser. Were we to pretend to wed, my mother would be satisfied, my cheif would understand that I am not available for his son and, perhaps, through jealousy his true love might return to his side. Either way, the ruse would not need last long for he could "cheat" on his new wife - an occurance which would be believed by all given his ways - and thus I could leave him, leaving him free to be with the object of his desire and myself to walk away with my elf by my side.
He is thinking it over, as I asked, but I have yet to broach the subject to Vaenthal. I must hope that he will understand and be agreeable to this facade. Even if Remis agrees to my request, should my dear one refuse then I will not go through with it.
The only other options that I can see are to fight or to flee. It would break my heart to desert my mother and our tribe but I know not what else to do. I will not leave Vaenthal to make her happy. I will not marry the son of Crannog and I cannot doom my love to such a terrible fate.
