Feorodda's Journal, page 1

Journal entry, page 1

It's been years since the attack on Hultvis, but the nightmares are coming back stronger. Laegertha told me writing it down would help, granted, that was while I was in mourning. You would think everything that happened in the war it would help me forget.
I'm not kidding anyone when I say I've moved on. I haven't let a shred of it go and it's been eating me away inside this whole time.

I think it was that run in with an orc that landed a blow to my gut that brought it back to me so vividly. The mark is fairly close to the old one as well.
We were picking berries and flowers for the summer festival, it was going to be great. Laegertha and I were giddy and gossiping about who we'd ask to dance. She kept giving me a hard time about finally asking Lokand, and I was maybe going to actually do it.

*there's alot scribbled out on the page before continuing and tears running the ink across the page as it was wiped away*

he was my best friend. And I think I truly loved him.
I remember dropping everything when we heard the roars. It was nothing like that of my kin. It was higher pitched, like a shriek, and somehow guttural at the same time. I had never seen an orc till that point. I had dealt with the spiders that seeped out of Mirkwood, and that of the feral animals accursed from Dol Guldur. But never an orc.
Lae was terrified. I told her to stay put and get somewhere safe, to climb a tree if she needed to but do not be seen and went towards the village. My father was out fighting, tearing apart the orc kind he could get his hands on but already so many were injured and dead. I admit that I was weak in that moment. There were so many, and I felt the words if my uncle bearing on my shoulders." You are too weak. You are nothing but a waste." I saw Lokand fighting as valiantly as I had ever imagined he could. He ran to me and told me to get to safety, I refused. He begged me, but I just kept refusing. Maybe if I had listened he would still be with me. Instead I drew my weapon, panicking and before he could finish his words " I need you too." A orc Spearman had stabbed him in the back. It pierced through enough to stab me as well. It was so loud, I couldn't even hear from how afraid I was.

I watched in horror as the only man I had ever met to fully accept me died in my arms. I screamed, the scum ripped the spear back, going to do it again out of spite, I ripped the spear out of its hands and bashed its head in. My screams turned to roars as I turned, ripping every single one of them to shreds. Everything was so hazy, I had lost so much blood and transforming was so painful on my body, even now. It was sheer adrenaline that even kept me awake.

At the end of the battle, I sat with Lokand while he took his final breath.

*the next few sentences are so washed out from tears, the paper gently torn from how hard she was pushing to write it all, her handwriting getting more and more aggressive*

"Promise me." He said it so softly," promise me you will find your worth. No man can label how precious you are. No matter what you can or cannot do. Promise me."

It should have been said while we sat eating dinner, or we were dancing. Or planned a future. I should have told him how I felt. I should have protected them, I shouldn't have ever let myself be so weak.
I should have ripped them all apart with ny father. I

*more scribbles*
*next page, the handwriting is clearer as she managed to calm down, blood however stains a few places as her claws dug into her hand*

That night, I decided to leave. Travelers had been telling us of the war, the one against Sauron. My rage wouldn't be stop till I knew his threat and vile creatures were destroyed. I knew I couldn't cause the same pain as they caused me, but I knew I could at least take as many down as I could. I never joined the military, i saw some of their customs as a waste of time. If you are strong, then fight. But, they had their way, and once the King returned it all worked out.
I worked on the sidelines, with Radagast before he went his own way, his methods were strange. And I sought to deal with the threats that those of Gondor were overlooking. Storming forts, and even strongholds with the free people of Middle Earth in far away places.
If this was how angry my great grandfather was when he was the last of our kin, enough to take on those in the Battle of Five Armies, I think I understand now why anger was our greatest strength. But like him, I refuse to take it out on innocents, but I will be better than my family, I will trust the men, elves, and even dwarves of Middle Earth should their hearts be pure.
I have met many great people. I truly think that's the reason I kept going.

And now, the age of hope is upon us.
Maybe it's finally time to go home. I know my worth now, my love.