Lyrics lovingly based on 'If I Were a Rich Man' from the MOST EXCELLENT 'Fiddler on the Roof'
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If I were an Elf Lord,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a Elvish Lord.
Thinking would be easy.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy Elf,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle Lord.
I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of the town.
A fine gold roof with real silver floors below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.
I'd fill my yard with chicks and turkeys and geese and ducks
For the town to see and hear.
Squawking just as noisily as they can
And each loud "cheep" and "squawk" and "honk" and "quack"
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,
As if to say "Here lives an Elvish Lord."
If I were an Elf Lord,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were an Elvish Lord.
Reading would be simple.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy Elf,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle Lord.
I see my wife, my Seregrian, looking like a Elf Lord's wife
With a proper Magic Staff.
Supervising meals to her heart's delight.
I see her putting on jewels and dancing just like Nessa.
Oy, what a happy mood she's in.
Teaching all the Mortals how to talk.
The most important Elves in town would come to counsel with me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Valar god so Wise.
"If you please, My lord..."
"Pardon me, My Lord Cutch..."
Posing problems that would cross a Maiar's eyes!
And it won't make one bit of difference what I say to Mortal men.
When you're Elf, they think you really know!
If I were Elf, I'd have the time that I lack
To sit in the forest flet and play.
And maybe have a seat by the Western sea.
And I'd discuss the Lore-ish books with the learned ones, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.
If I were an Elf Lord,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were an Elvish Lord.
Learning would be easy.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
The Gods who made the lion and the lamb
You decreed I should be what I am
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan
If I were an Elvish Lord?
