It has been a long time since I had used this journal. There have been many changes in my life of late and I oddly find myself thirsting for times past. The old game, I suppose it could be called. However, in the game, others get hurt in the process. I dreamt of laughter and music last night. Music that I would happily dance to all over again. In my dreams, I saw her face, Aldway. The one my Mother wanted me to look up to. The model child and so she fell from grace with me because of love. I didn't deserve her loyalty, Sister, or otherwise. She could have stayed in Rohan and lived the life of luxury, basked in what came with our Father's revered name. We were one of the few to have a surname thanks to our Gondorian Father. The blood of Eorl and the Lords of the South entwined together.
Aldway always believed that I would succeed, in anything that I put my mind to, she was the first and last true friend I ever had. We all had our roles and expectations in the home country. I saw every triviality in courtly life. There was no stone left unturned, I thought that Ialdir, would be an exception. Such are the naive thoughts of a seven-year-old girl. When you're a child you think the world of everyone and no one has their flaws. If I had only understood the lust for power then.
Blood ties mean nothing, if a Brother, is willing to soil his Sister's reputation and see to it that she is disowned. I will always remember the sting of my Father's hand against my cheek. That fateful day. I feel as if I am caught between two realities. When I met Brigwald again after my detachment from society, I was greatly surprised that he did not try and kill me.
Fate has a twisted sense of humor placing us in Ashforde as neighbors. These names and faces continue to show up in my mind. Brigwald found great pleasure in knowing that my former 'entourage' as he called it. Was no longer at my side, they were the product of my foolish rhetoric that somehow managed to bring half of Bree-town underneath my thumb. I was a desperate girl, trying to play at being a leader. Why can't anything be simple? Dagramir was among my thoughts again as well. He always had that certain something and I can't quite explain it. Is he a lover to be forgotten too? I will continue to bury this fondness for him in my heart. Surely this is just a time of reminiscing? I find myself in a conflicted state. This was the man that didn't tell me he had a wife at the time we were together. But there is Lycaon now he treats me well and is quite affectionate, I just hope my old life doesn't drive a wedge between us. He is a good man the first one I have run into in a long while. Here's to new beginnings, I am so tired of only endings. I will visit you soon my dearest Aldway. I regret that you were not buried in the plains of Rohan.
