A Hobbitian Inquisition, Part the 2nd: Green Hood, Black Fox
Being the observations of Applecider Bolingbroke, assisting Lancogard North-Took, Deputy-Shirriff, his ongoing investigations.
(As recorded in a cipher what can only be read backwards, then translating from numbers ter Elven script, after first multiplying the even numbers by 17, an’ dividing the odds by 3),
NOT TO BE DISSEMINATED OR COPIED, OR I’LL SWAP *ALL* YER SUGAR FER SALT!!!
Mister Sir Halros be a genial chap, though he be also a guarded one.
He’d nae seen me since a’fore I took me walking holiday west o’ Needlehole, an’ were equally glad, I think, ter see both me an’ me pies (I made ‘im one from steak an’ mushrooms an’ carrots an’ celery, with another fer dessert made with rhubarb).
Mindful o’ the delicate nature of things, I first approached me line of inquiry tryin' ter be discreet.
I tells Mister Halros, I were workin’ on a new ballad – a ballad most Epic & Tragical – an’ were stuck on thinkin' o' the most stealthy, knavish means of doing a bloke in.
He thought that were both amusing and worrisome. But he did listen to me ideas. An’ thusly did Yers Truly gather useful information.
I conclude it nae be screechy Gobbos we be lookin’ for: Mister Halros say Gobbos e’nt given ter subtle means o' smiting. They be all over yeh like someone bred a lizard with a honeybadger.
So thar be out.
On th’ subject o’ suffocation, he say tha were possible, provided a body were strong enough. An' on th' subject o' pokey-stabbings, he say it certainly be possible … Though, it’d have ter be delivered in a manner so swiftly, by a hand so skillful, as ter make a perfect kill-strike in one hit, without th’ subject knowing, if there were to be no other signs of a struggle.
So definitely a Man, an' nae a screechy Gobbo, either way.
On th’ subject o’ poisons, I wondered about spiders. It be known thar be spiders of a colossal nature in th’ Northcountry beyond Oatbarton – they even migrate as far’s the Quarry. Mister Halros says thar spiders be of a right poisonous nature. But they be wrappin’ ye up in web first.
If a Man were poisoned all subtle-like, it’d be by his fellow Man. Maybe who’d taken poison FROM the spiders.
(Bounder hereby pauses fer a quick swallow o’ Thistlebelly, so’s ter stop shuddering from her own overactive mind's eye).
Then th’ Green-hood EVER so calmly takes another forkful o’ pie, fixes me in that gaze of his, an’ says ter me:
“... Now, inquisitive and imaginative bard. Perhaps you might tell me what inspired your grisly string of speculation ... And what it might have to do with the disfigured fellow your diligent Shirriffs uncovered in the Scragdells at the turn of the year?”
.......... Bullroarer’s Double-Jointed Thumbs!
He KNEW about the findin’ o’ the carrion!
An’ what’s more, he, too, knew who it were!
Well … in a manner o’ speakin,’ he did.
He knew th’ Man what were found in th’ Scrags, an’ duly made report of ‘is demise ... but dinnae mention to Lance or th’ Bounders any particulars to which he were privy. At th’ time, he dinnae think it were of import ter Hobbit-folk, as the Scrags were merely a “dumping point.”
And he were unaware any of us knew ‘C,’ or that ‘C’ were ‘trothed ter anyone with interest in th’ Shire.
From there – in exchange fer me fessin' up, an' sharin' me connection, an' also the thoughts on the timeline me an’ Lance narrowed down fer ‘Cs’ demise – he came clean. At least ter a point.
An’ I be fixin’ to tie whole spool o’ ribbons to me coattails an’ callin’ meself a kite. ‘Cause I were blown clear away at this point.
Here be th’ facts of it:
Him what we knew personal as Subject ‘C’ (née Cutch Crane), an’ what Miss Sergie knew as Melethel (thar be Elfish fer ‘Ookum-snookums’ or ‘Pookie-Bear’) ....
..... Mister Sir Halros knew only as Morrusc – thar be Elfish fer ‘Black Fox.’
T’were an anonymous moniker fer anonymous work. Names that Tall Folks’ Bounders in hoods give ter people they occasionally contract from outside their own kin, when they wants ter safeguard real names.
‘C’ were a recruit deputized fer a job fer th’ Tall Folks’ Bounders in hoods.
Mister Sir Halros were his point o’ contact.
(Bounder hereby pauses fer a very deep helpin' o’ Thistlebelly now).
What Morrusc’s objective were, Mister Sir Halros only half-knew: he weren’t the one givin’ the orders. He were a resource what Black Fox could use ter call on fer help, if he needed it. It be a common practice, evidently. He were informed o’ Black Fox’s presence by a kestrel from his gaffers what be higher up the line ‘o command: A hunter were doin’ a spot o’ snoopage up north o’ Bullroarer’s Sward. An’ as the closest Big Folks’ Bounder, Mister Halros should be prepared ter aid th' hunstman in ‘is endeavors.
He met the Man once – an’ his description were in keepin’ with ‘Cs’ likeness. He provided ‘C’ with some fresh vittles, an’ some thread ter repair the seam of his jacket.
‘C’ also asked if Mister Halros could furnish him with a quill-pen an’ paper ... as he were in want of posting a letter to a lady. The quill-pen Halros had, but as he hadn’t had leave in civilization fer a couple o’ weeks, he were lacking the paper; said he’d get some from Scary when next he made a scouting trip that way.
Which he did. Even showed me the paper.
…………… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHH~~!!!!
Mister Sir Halros were very earnest about wantin’ ter help us unravel this, but as he were only the contact, he said he’d need communication from the Tall Folks’ Bounders ter say anymore. Says meanwhile, me an’ Lance are NOT ter wander our way up there in search ‘o someut what can do in a big strappin’ Tall Folk –
So I suspect thar be exactly what we’ll do. Natch.
Must confer with Dep.-Shir. North-Took first, though, as I technically be workin’ fer him on this. So I be scramblin’ up ter Oatbarton straightway.
May all the heptatonic scales help me: Me head may actually burst. What be goin’ on ‘ere?
THE HOBBITTIAN INQUSITION RESTETH NOT!!!!
