THE OFFICE OF THE WATCH, BROCKENBORINGS, Northfarthing in the Shire, on this the 21st day of Afterlithe:
Such comings and goings and bustling about this summer! The Midsummer Festivals have ended a few weeks ago, but you wouldn’t know it – what with all the merriment and boisterous parties. I have actually had to field two complaints of excessive noise, though one I discounted almost as soon as I heard it: Citrina Brockhouse would lodge a noise complaint over a snoring cat…
But there was one complaint that I heard repeated, not once but several times over the course of a day. Citrina’s brother Ivo, who works at the Plough and Stars, is a baker in his own right but is proud to offer cooked delights from all over the Shire. It seems that Ivo obtained a special pie of Holly Hornblower’s down in Hobbiton – Holly’s pies are the talk of the Four Farthings – but Ivo bitterly spoke of a foul-tasting pie from Holly that he not only refused to serve his customers, but demanded she replace the pie forthwith
Though I didn’t know it at the time, that started my investigation. I offered to take the pie back to Holly personally, since I was about to start an errand which would take me that way. Ivo was gruffly pleased, and I set out on my errand – but no sooner had I reached Primstone’s Stable that I was accosted by Poppy Grubb of Scary. He was on his way to bring complaint to the Watch, also about a pie, also from Holly, and also foul! Furthermore, Poppy explained that Sapphira Bolger, who lives down Budgeford way, received a third foul pie in turn!
This was more than coincidence! I made the decision to ride to Budgeford by way of Scary, and then take the Road west to Hobbiton, where Holly Hornblower has her bakery, and inquire about several foul pies at once. The same story popped up in Budgeford, Stock, Frogmorton, then Bywater: all of Holly’s pies were coming up rotten! By the time I reached Hobbiton, I was in possession of SIX rotten pies, which I presented to a distraught Holly who, at the edge of tears, poured out her tale.
The first report of spoiled pies came from the Party Field on The Hill, where Opal Goodbody had ordered a pie for the notorious Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. When that pie turned up spoiled, Opal sent the pie back to Holly before Lobelia could find out. Between that first pie and my arrival, six more pies had been returned from Needlehole to Tuckborough; and here I came with six more.
In between Holly’s plaintive sobs, I began to reason out as to what may have caused the disastrous event. Were the pies poorly cooked? No, they were all prepared the same way as Holly always has. Did the pie crust have anything added? Again, no, the same as always. Could some tween-hobbit have played a prank and added something? Out of the question, as Holly always handles the baking herself, and the pies never leave her sight until they are shipped. Then the berries came up.
There was the answer! Holly confessed that, even though she insisted on buying her ingredients locally to Hobbiton and Bywater, this time she had used a crop of berries brought all the way from Pincup in the Southfarthing, which she had never done before; and the berries had gone bad by the time they reached Hobbiton.
But of course, even though the source of the trouble had been noted, there was still a baker’s dozen of pies that had to be replaced. I offered to make a dash for the market in Bywater to bring back as many fresh berries as could be found, while Holly began making ready for a mass-baking. I confess to using the weight of the Shirriff’s Office to help obtain the needed stock, since this was such a crisis; but the mention of that plus that the berries were for Holly Hornblower helped grease the skids. The upshot of it was, the pies were baked, and having four tween hobbits deputized as messengers sent the replacement pies on their way in near-record time.
So there it is, we solved the Suspicious Case of the Spoiled Pies. I hurried back to Brockenborings to file my report and make way to the Plough and Stars for a well-earned pint and plate. Well Done, I must say!
