It is freezing and I can not find enough warmth to be able to sleep. Even with the fire blazing, I feel cold as ice. Amathlan is sleeping not too far away. I am glad he is asleep, for he needs it more than I do.
The memories of the words that I said to him flit through my mind.
If you do not temper your anger, you will those you love....You will lose me."
I said that in anger and despair. Of course I did not mean it. Just like I did not mean it when I said I would return to Bree on my own. I could not leave him. I could not lose him, not like those who I have lost before.
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The sound of a crashing of waves rouses me from my peace. When my eyes finally force themselves open, I find myself on the shore. The shore of a very familiar body of water. The memories of my time in Forlindon assault me and I scramble away from the crashing waves.
What I remember as a calm flowing sea, now shows not but stormy towers of cold, deep waves. They crash upon the shore with a sound likened to thunder. The spray from the waves connects with my face like sharp knives of ice. I scramble as far as I can eastward, though my body does not cooperate in this dream like state.
Though I try to flee, the waves keep coming closer and closer. As the waves keep coming closer, a shadowy figure begins to emerge from the cloudy sea. My eyes widen in shock and also perhaps a little bit of fear, as the the figure comes closer.
"Aranossiel..." I can barely whisper out.
The one I once thought I loved finally comes to stand before me, but she does not look like she once did.
Her beautiful golden hair is now chopped short, dirty with sea water and grime. Her eyes are blank and her body, covered in burns and wounds that seem fresh. A large scar runs across her eyes and cheeks. There is a smirk on her lips as she crouches down in front of me.
"You left me." Her once happy and cheerful voice is now hardened in anger and resentment. "You left me that day, to die!" Her voice grows louder and I flinch.
"No.... no. I did not leave you. I would not have left you!" I stutter out, scared of this figure of my dreams.
"But then why are you alive and I am not?" She says and brings her sharp nails to grip my hair.
"I tried! I tried to find you! To get you out!" I cry out in pain as her hands grip harder.
"But you failed. And I am left to wallow in despair and misery for the rest of time. While you get to live, to experience the love WE should have shared. You do not deserve it. That should have been me!"
Tears are dripping down her face and when I reach my own up, I find wetness on my face as well. Wetness that did not come from the spray of the sea.
"I loved you!" I protest, but her hands gripping my hair pull hard and I am forced to stumble to my feet.
"It matters not whether you loved me. It should have been you. The dragons and balrogs should have killed you that day." As she speaks she begins to drag me back towards the water that she emerged from.
"I would have done anything to save you, Aranossiel!" I cry out, fearful.
"Too late for that now, hmm? You should have been the one to fall that day. And if not then, it should have been on these shores! That should have been your fate." Her sharp words pierce my heart and long forgotten images flit in my memory.
"No! That was not my fate! Why can I not live now? Why do you torment me so?" My eyes look pleadingly into hers. But she does not answer my question.
"Why did you leave me? Why did you let me die? I thought you loved me." Are her final words.
She begins to walk back the way she came, back into the sea. But this time, I am pulled with her. Though I struggle and scream, her grip is too strong and I barely have time to yell 'Help me' before I am dragged under the waves. I have the feeling of not being able to breath, before all goes black.
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My eyes shoot open and I sit up and turn on my side, gasping for breath. Noticing my surroundings, I stumble to my feet. I must have walked during my sleep. For now, I am standing on the edge of the small lake which the village of Kauppa-Kohta rests beside.
I should return to the tent, to the others. But Aranossiel's words haunt me. Even as I find proper rest inside the warmth of the tent.
