“Eda? Eda, if it be possible I would speak with you, woman to woman."
It was a chilly night, the stars clearly visible with no hint of a cloud in sight. The gibbous moon shone down upon me with distant curiosity. ‘What was I doing, seeking to speak with the dead?’
In truth, I did not understand myself. Yet there was something I had to say to that woman, and something I needed to feel, to know she would have understood. I could not continue on my recently chosen path without her knowing, without her blessing.
Wrapping my cloak tightly about my shoulders, I walked out of the Tavern, heading for the main gate. Most of Edoras slept in these small hours, but the guards still stood to attention with ever watchful eyes.
“Where are you going, woman?” the nearer one asked, though not unkindly. “This is no time to walk in your sleep!”
My voice was husky with the cold air, and with emotion. I knew my actions appeared as folly.
“I would go to be alone, just for a short time. There is someone on my mind that I must grieve for. I cannot do that here.” My gaze was downcast. I did not recognise his voice. I could not make a reasoned argument, or have my way through jest. May he take pity on me, was my hope.
There was a moment’s silence.
“Very well,” he finally said, in a voice not far beyond that of a youth. “I can respect your loss. But do not go far, not beyond the carry of voice should you need aid.”
I bobbed my head in thanks as I walked on.
“Your name, your family should any come seeking you?” he called after me.
“I am Yllfa,” I replied softly. “And it is a family I seek.”
I heeded the guard’s warning, and did not go far. I made myself comfortable sitting on a small hillock, a turf-covered mound between the dyke, and the Barrowfield. My teeth were chattering slightly as I wondered momentarily at leaving a warm and welcoming bed. But was that not also why I was here? I could not rest where I wished until the matter was settled.
Closing my eyes, I reached out with my thoughts, fueled by the heat of my heart. I could sense the land about me, my beloved city, the Harrowdale, the looming grandeur of snow capped Starkhorn.
This was my land. This was my life.
But I desired, I needed to feel another woman’s blessing to have a future here.
I could not picture her in my mind, save as an older version of her daughter. We had never met, she and I, not even in passing I believed. Yet we shared much. From what he had said of her, I believed we would have got along well. We may even have been friends.
‘Please Eda, if you can in any way hear me. Consider now my words’
Opening my eyes, the stars overhead shone even more brightly. I chose one that seemed to pulsate with a life of its own, and focused my address to it.
“Know this, dear lady, I care deeply for your family. I would care for them and stand by them both from now on, if you will loan them to me?
I do not seek to take them from you. That would not even be possible for me to do, for you are their bright memory. But I would do my best to see your daughter grow into the woman you and her papa want her to be. She is strong and inquisitive. She is brave...and kind. She is a credit to you both. I am not her mother, nor do I seek that relationship. But I will be a true friend to her while I live.”
Pausing, I watched for any sign, anything different about the star, or in my heart. Ah, I was becoming as superstitious as the gossips of Harwick! With a sigh, I continued.
“Neither do I seek to take your husband’s love from you. It is not possible. He speaks of you often with a tenderness that will never abate. Yet there is more than one form of love, is there not? It may be that he and I are taking our first steps in exploring a new land? Know I do not seek him as a husband. That path has no meaning for me, save it becomes needful for his honour. He is yours in that memory, not mine. But while he and I are in this world, perhaps you would lend him to me? After death, who can say. I shall be content.”
Another pause, another search of the night sky for anything to give me hope.
“It was not something intended by either of us, this becoming close. I do not think he would have ever looked at another woman, for none could compare to you. I don’t understand what has happened. I cannot explain….but unless I know you understand, I must walk away from him now.”
My chin lowered as I felt drained by my effort. She wasn’t there, in the stars as Ethel and I had considered possible. She could not or would not hear. The dead are dead. They have no truck with the living.
The cold lessened. On the distant horizon a tinge of rose hue told me dawn fast approached.
So did the guard. I looked back to see him marching down the path from the city towards me.
And in that moment I ‘heard’ a voice in my thoughts. Maybe it was my own voice; maybe not.
“Thank you for caring for them, Yllfa. Thank you for being what I cannot be, for going where I cannot go, for seeing what I cannot see, so I can be at peace, knowing they are loved.”
I started at that sound, and the guard hurried his pace likely thinking I was in some distress.
I was not in distress. I was at peace.
I had spoken with Eda after a fashion…..and she had replied.
