Part 3: Past Influences
29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?
She laughs, showing even white teeth, and shakes her head. "Well, considering the question I last answered for you, and how, I suppose I'll say it was waking up again, somehow not dead. For a single event, and what it implied for me, that would be it."
30. Who has had the most influence on you?
She sits back a bit as she ruminates, the flickering movements of her eyes making it clear that she's cataloguing the people she knows or has known. Finally, she shakes her head and blows out her breath in an exaggerated whooshing sound.
"That's a hard one. So many people with so much influence. If I well and truly had to list just one, I'd have to cheat, and say Lord Elrond. That's cheating because I've barely met him, for all he's been my host for, well, counting up all the stays, several years now. But it's because the biggest influences are almost all residents of Imladris, or frequent visitors there, and he's why that could happen. Including why I'm still alive for all that to have happened, of course.
"But for people who, in their own day to day actions, got to have influence over me, and the most? Well, I can't pick just one. That's the problem. It's tough to limit it even to these four, but in no certain order, I'll say, Elladan, Elrohir, Fingwen, and Mirwen. My friend Drel would be next on that list, but after that we go back to Imladris for quite a while. I ain't sure where to put Magpie and Wren, or other folks like that, but, I reckon, for all the time we spent together, it's been mostly elves what shaped who I am now in the way I think your question means."
31. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
She laughs bitterly. "Achievement? Great? I wouldn't say I have any that qualify. Oh, still being alive takes a lot of work, but that… that ain't a great achievement. I got none."
32. What is your greatest regret?
"Not going after Wendiwyn sooner. A lot sooner."
33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?
She sighs heavily, looking off to the horizon for a moment, then shrugs, looking back to her questioner. "I try to avoid doing anything actually evil. Won't say I've never had evil effects, and that might qualify – but I don't know of any real ones. It's tempting to say not going after Wendiwyn sooner. But that… eh, maybe it depends on what you hold as being evil. But as someone who had to steal to eat when growing up, I don't see the world as being so black and white as some. So, nothing stands out to me as qualifying. Others might disagree."
34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?
She shrugs. "Mebbe? Ain't sure if'n anyone bothered to keep any such records in Esgaroth. The Watchmen knew we had to eat, and we didn't get caught much in ways what involved anyone with any authority. Prob'ly not."
35. When was the time you were the most frightened?
"Mmh. I ain't sure I ever really am, excepting in dreams. And my dreams don't make enough sense to remember what wakes me, even. I reckon, maybe, hmm. Worrying I couldn't get Leoffrith back up on Kestrel, after the wolves came for us. Thinking I'd lose him no matter how good I fought, because I just ain't big enough. About the only time in a long time someone else's life's been up to what I could do, and yet out of my hands. And that went beyond my usual reactions of frustration and determination. That had fear."
36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?
She draws a knee up and clasps her hands around it, then rests her chin on top. "People have tried to embarrass me, I think. I didn't have time for it. By which I mean, I'd get frustrated, mad, or determined, or even just change tactics, depending."
She shrugs. "Can't think of a time when I had the reaction people call that. I'd either think I just wasn't good enough at something – but that's frustration for me, not shame or whatever – or I'd get mad at the person trying for being a jerk. But neither way was being embarrassed."
37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?
She shifts her hands on her knee and drops her chin down again. "Mmh. I been told tales of this sort of thing. 'Beware of unintended consequences.' That's the moral of them."
She sighs heavily. "I'd like to find a spot in my past where I could save Wendiwyn. But 'one thing'... I ain't sure that's possible without messing things up for Leoffrith. Maybe even getting him killed by wolves in his way to the Mark. And what other consequences might that have? I ain't sure even Manwë would know." Her voice drops to a nearly defeated tone. "I just gotta live with how things has been."
38. What is your best memory?
She smiles, albeit with a small huff. "That's a good thing to think on, time to time, isn't it? But it's so hard to isolate good memories out of the bad, and then try to pick a single 'best' one. Hrmh. A good number of the times with Wendy – Wendiwyn – would be my 'short list', though. Maybe the time I made her happiest in dancing with her. She was so delighted to have me make her look good at timing, by changing mine so we were properly in sync for several songs in a row."
She shrugs. "That's the one stands out right now. Ask another time, I'd probably pick a different one. But it would still be a time with her."
39. What is your worst memory?
She looks over with a near glare for a moment, though it has a brittle edge to it. "You would have to be going right back there, wouldn't you? Dashing what few delusional hopes I had remaining by finding Wendy's corpse. And that's all you're getting for while. I need some'at to drink."
