She was always there, like family. Taught me how to cook, told me stories, treated me as one of her own, were even working in the same kitchens for a bit, till I lost my job that is. We were told she were poorly, though none of us wanted to believe it. She were an old battleaxe, strong and a fighter. We tried our best but in the end there were nothing to be done and she went in her sleep. Some of the family be here, at the farm, some be at the house, Jack ain't touched a drop of drink. Family, that is what it is about. Having that closeness, bond, that you don't even have to say a word, you just know what each other needs. A hug, some space, a great big bowl of buttered mashed taters. Some keep their struggles hidden, others tell them to all and sundry, Jack be silent. Alys isn't crying as much. A proper toast was had for a proper woman, may she be with her husband now, no pain, no worry, just at peace.
All this mess, everything that has happened this past year. It's clear now. There be things I want. I want to follow me Pa, step into this business properly. He's been preparing me since I were knee high, about the hops, the soil, pests, how to harvest and plant, the right wood for barrels, coin and ledgers. Everything. I have involvement with the warehouse, and I have say in what be going into the brews. I'll miss some folk, what with working out this way, but it be the centre of everything here on the farm. New brews to be crafted, working with potters and glass blowers, the farmers, the delivery folk, innkeepers, life wont be dull!
I also want a family. I've known that a long while, since that mess with Elias. I regret doing what I did, I should have thought it through more. I had the support of friends and family too if I wanted, but I made a choice not just for me, but for him too. Course this is all pie in the sky, might not have been anything, and I would have been blissfully ignorant if I hadn't have visited him that day, but can't help thinking what it would have been like, if he were right and I were, rather, could have been, carrying his kiddie. Probably be as round as the moon by now. Then again, things happen and you cant go back on such choices. I do want a kiddie, and a lad.
I had a lad, tall, strong, old, and he loved me. I just made the mistake of not being ready for him or anyone else for that matter, and threw meself head first into his arms in hopes of getting over another lad. That were stupid. I tried a fair while to see if it could work, but certainly not longer than most who try to find and fail with love, so I were not strange there I suppose. I were convinced by others, by Elias, to face up to what I felt. I didn't love Ath, I lusted, and I liked for the most part, some things though I really didn't like, but he we ready and I were not. Everything so quick with him, so urgent, he changed me, and a part of me misses him, and he wanted me, I was scared, scared how some implied we were perfect together, how I made him so happy. I was stupid, stupid for listening to others, and for my own actions.
I want peace. Peace of mind, a peaceful environment. I haven't had much of that, not living near Bree anyway. Funny enough, I have it now though. I made a good choice coming out here. Town is only a half days ride if I need to go, so it ain't like I've gone far, just far enough to not have to see some folk, to not be tempted by my own hopes. There is the bakery, seeing Bal playing his bagpipes, the inn, having a natter with the lasses at the market, and there is that place of course.
Hopes, well they were dashed. Facts and assumptions, facts and bloody assumptions. I were boiling with a temper after that visit, I went to say good bye and just got a kick in the teeth. You'd think he'd know better, but no, funny thing is, I should have known better. If things were not bad enough already with Ma Dentons passing and all. I don't know what it is about the man, one day he is all compliments, Miss Blackburrow you look beautiful in a dress, I can't look at you because he might get angry, your smile lights up a room, I don't want you unhappy, another day he wants to put everything that happened between us in my lap and not take a bit of responsibility for any of it, not bending even the slightest to see why I'd get upset. Me? it's not just me, why anyone gets angry with him, I tell you why, because he doesn't listen and for a man who says he wants to learn, he has a lot of it to do. I should have gone against my will and just left without a goodbye, without telling him of Ma Denton, but I didn't, because I am an idiot. He has the big lad, I might get a wedding invitation one day, doubt it. Jacki, now you are being bitter, they just be friends, even if the lad said he loved him, brotherly love probably, aye. I'll miss him.
No, this be a good choice, a wise choice and one that sits well like a finely crafted ale in the stomach. I'll miss some, some I'll be glad to see the back of, but I have family, friends and of course my pets. Today is a brighter day, today is the start of something new...
*authors note* A BIG thank you to all those who helped breathe life into this character. She has for the most part been a joy to play and I've been lucky enough to share her antics with some brilliant RPers. She may return, eventually, but for now she is dormant. I look forward to reading your stories!
