Letter To Lord Anglachelm

Greetings my Lord Anglachelm,

I would like you to know that we wish to take a journey to Eregion for a few reasons for what has transpired in the past few days. One is Lady Himwen wishing to train her recruits there. The other is quite personal to me.

A few days ago I was painting while Ainalcar, my Eagle friend who I raised as an orphan (such as I was) alerted Lady Manadhlaer into my house. The bird had seen for a long time what troubles me.

Long ago when Eregion was assaulted by Sauron's forces the orcs broke into our home and only my mother Sírewen and I were there. My father Fëaráto had went to the vanguard to meet the enemy's forces so he couldn't get to us.

Something happened that left deep scars into my fëa, deep enough to still hurt me today, and I was an elfling still. Each time I paint with bright red, I see my mother's blood upon the blank canvas and I feel pain in my body, and can even hear her cries from torture. That is why my painting had been slow, and I had abandoned it for many yéni altogether.

When Manadhlaer was here, the pain escalated to a visible wound upon my neck. She told me not to paint until I had been cured somehow.

As for the cure, my father once told me that as a Noldo I need to face my fears and that is what I intend to do, to go back to the ruins of my home which I dreaded to do for the longest of time. Perhaps it will finally give me the closure I need, at least in the measure that is possible in this side of the sea so I need not to take Celebrían's path yet.

Besides Lady Manadhlaer and Lady Himwen my sister Elvealin knows as well as Lady Norliriel and now yourself. Before this not even Elvealin knew that it still affected me thus. But it needs to be a secret no more.

— Yours, Elloen Turemmar