I did it, I went home, and I hated it but, it were the right choice. Mister Maddoct said it were mature of me, Missus Denton didn't say anything, but she did make me a cup of tea and a jam bun.
Since I've been back, I've spoken to a few folk and queer things have been happening. Didn't sleep night before last, spent the entire day then trying to keep my eyes open so I could sleep that eve. Were a man in the inn suggested some cooler air, then there were another one checking on me as I rested against the fence. I were alright though. Suppose I had too much on my mind, what with Jack and Quentin arguing, Elias being away, Ma fussing over my birthday. Told her, I don't need anything, but she's all insistent what with what has been going on lately. So I'll be expecting them, just as well it is now and not when Elias is around, if he comes around again. He probably will come back as if there were nothing between us.
Mister Maddoct thinks I need a new lad. There I go again, he told me not to call him that! Doc, or Maddoct, no more mister, I have to remember that, but manners were forced into me see, disrespectful not to call people Sir or Miss, unless you be friends, family or loves. He's a friend, a good friend. He don't want me hurt, and I want him happy, Doc I mean. I've promised to talk to Mister Blid about things, not obvious like, but discreet and all. I just want folk happy. Elias doesn't like me saying that I want him happy. I don't think he liked it too when I said it could be with or without me, as long as it were what he wanted. Though Maddoct needs Blid, and the other way around, if folk say different then I'll be the mayor of Bree! New lad though? I've always felt like, I know what I want, but the other person don't know what they want. I've made it easy, and made it clear as can be, yet it always ends up as clear as mud to Elias. When we're together, alone, it does seem clear though, maybe it is a show he puts on for me. I mean, he started dancing, no music, nothing, and led me in a dance. He loved me, held me, more than all that and it were like neither of us wanted anyone else ever again. Then, we go away and...I wonder.
I've been thinking a lot about jealousy. I don't think I'm a jealous person, but I've seen a lot of it about lately. Like when that lad came to talk to me, a lass were there in an instant, don't know if he knew her, but it were odd. Elias himself said to me he liked the idea of lads being jealous of him...he said I looked beautiful in my dress, so I sent him a drawing of me wearing it. Jealousy! That is what I was talking about, I need to stop being distracted, I got a clip around the ear from Flo because of it! Right, then there be Jack and Quentin. I don't know what is going on there, I think it is more being protective than jealous. Jack makes me laugh but his words could upset folk, and Quentin, he be gentle, kind, strong. Rare I see him upset! I'll ask Ma Denton if she knows what is going on between them both.
Missus Denton asked what cake I want for my birthday. Apple I think, as long as they are ready for picking, with some strawberries on the side. Three days and my house will be fit to burst again, but I don't mind, I like the company, providing that is Quentin dont throw Jack out of the window.
