Found:
Three days. Three days and three nights. The length of a single shift for a charcoal burner. Why anyone would choose to do such a thankless task is beyond me. There are better paid jobs around that do not involve such a lengthy deprivation of sleep. And yet, he did just that.
Three days and three nights, with no rest, no shelter and little reward.
Idiot.
Though would that insult be best suited to him? Or me?
I had considered leaving well enough alone. That would have been the wise choice, I think, but my curiosity got the better of me. So off to Bree I went and on to Combe I was sent. And there I found him in a field, staring at smouldering embers.
Given the abruptness of our last meeting, I had hardly expected a warm welcome, thus kept my distance at first. An accord was quickly reached. He thawed, as did I and soon, to my delight and bemusement, I found that he had become something more akin to the man I first knew. The man I fell in love with so long ago.
He laughed, he smiled, he was welcoming and warm. He even accepted my offer of a hot drink and when, some hours later, I left his side, I did so under the understanding that my company would be welcome upon the following day also.
I returned. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it was to see if what I had seen the day prior was real or imaginary. Perhaps I had nothing better to do. Perhaps I wanted to. Regardless, I did return and warily so. And why should I not? Forgive, but not forget - is that not how it goes? Forgive the man's past transgressions, but never forget the way he has flit between one and the next - one man one day, someone entirely different upon our next meeting. Would the pattern hold, I wondered? Would his friendly face from that first day give way to bile and accusations upon the second?
It turns out that I need not have worried, for he was naught but welcoming then as well. Again, we spoke of many things, most notably love and envy and our differing philosophies upon the subject. Even then, no argument to be had, no scornful disapproval or glowering disdain. Only an open-mindedness toward the opinions of one another, even if we did not wholly agree. It was quite refreshing.
Our conversation upon the third day was much shorter, as expected. The man is exhausted and I had no desire to overtax his already belabored system. He sang to me, a song at once sad and defiant. I enjoyed it, as I enjoyed the oddly soothing depth of his voice. It would rumble, I think, if he chose to make it do so. I did not stay long after that, but I did leave him with a small cake to perk him up and the key to a room in the local tavern, as I had told him I would upon the first day. Shockingly, not only was he grateful for these simple kindnesses rather than grouchy, but he leaned down to make it easier for me to kiss his fluffy cheek.
Wonders never cease!
My friend tells me that I am wasting my time with the man. That might well be so did I hope to gain something by my continued interactions with him. But what on Arda could possibly be in it for me? I care about him, that much is true, and he for me but that, I think, is as far as either of us will ever allow it to progress despite our separate wishes for the same things. He can offer me no material gain, no locations for forgotten tombs for, even if he did - which he most assuredly never would, despising my erstwhile vocation as he does - I am in no condition to visit such places and have long since given up that life. So, if not love or adventure, then what is left? Nothing. And if that is what I seek from him, then finding that I can actually enjoy his company again is a bonus!
Despite the drastic change within him, I remain watchful. I do not think he yet realises just how vigilant I am during the opening minutes of our meetings or, if he does, he has chosen not to call me out on it thus far, which in itself is new. If ever he does, I wonder how I will explain it to him - this painful and often terrifying disconnect between the face I know so well and the four very different men I have known to wear it. Would it make matters worse or allow a greater understanding between us were that conversation to occur? I know not, and I dread the day it should come for that very reason.
Better not to dwell upon it. Better, instead, to enjoy the moment. Isn't that how I prefer to live my life, after all?
So, three days. Three warm, friendly and pleasant conversations. More hot drinks than I cared to count. One cake. One freshly dressed bed and one minor display of unspoken affection.
He knows where to find me, should he have a wish to.
