A series of written thoughts stashed away in a box of parchment, written meticulously and precisely, as if the writer had taken great pains to make their handwriting as legible and clear as possible. This entry is written with a noticeable amount of introspection and jumbled thoughts piled one over the other, as if the author's feelings were very much in disarray.
Tylva was right in a way. Loakee does throw out all the charming words he can to people that listen.
I went to the White Wolf Tavern today after a delivery to get a drink. It was a long day spent hauling things back and forth, so I was glad to finally have a bit of quiet and just enjoy a refreshment before heading back. In a strange twist, however, I ran into Loakee and his good friend Baldvin (Whom I've never heard of before, which goes to show just how secretive the man actually is. Funny how we keep running into one another like this...). And bloody hell, was it a scene of drunken debauchery when I came in. I met a man, Eordion, and a woman, Neyaa, and by the time I got to the common room it already felt like everyone at the table the two were sitting at was quickly veering off into tipsy territory.
Loakee even had a woman in his lap granting him sips of drink from a goblet like he was a king of sorts, and it didn't take long for Neyaa to take the free spot that was his other leg. He was grinning in a pleased way, so very pleased, and the sight of it quickly made me want to flee the scene. The conversation was about romance and women, which also began to get on my nerves (I had already had to live through the topic at the Pony more than once...), so I quickly stood up to join Eordion, who also seemed to be feeling rather awkward, by the bar.
I suppose I felt a bit... jealous, maybe? And also somewhat baffled. I didn't really find any appeal in wanting to look like a king surrounded by beautiful women, it struck me as rather arrogant and pretentious, and yet there sat Loakee like a king on his throne, a woman on each arm and progressively getting tipsier as the evening went on.
My interest took a huge hit in that moment.
But mayhaps it's merely easier for me to judge and condemn, as someone who has absolutely zero interest in womanizing and finds women to be physically repulsive. A cryptic person, the man is, confident and charming all the same, but very secretive and select with the things he chooses to reveal about himself, whilst digging into other people to get more out of them. I suppose I'll keep a bit of distance now and swallow the disappointment of seeing him in such a state, but perhaps there'll come a time where he might show another side to himself. For now, however, I see Loakee the cryptic, smug enigma that desired information.
At least, I won't be seeing him for a few days yet. I've asked Master Hucklebush permission to let me visit family and he gave it, telling me time with family is most precious. I remember when the woman, Neyaa, told me that she would not mind her employees coming to work hungover, and it confused me very much - I can't see why anyone wouldn't mind, being hungover means being less productive, and less productive means less orders finished: As Master Hucklebush can attest.
But, on the subject of family, Tylva gave me a mighty chewing out on it. Bless her, the woman pulls no punches when it comes to bluntness, but she was right about my cowardice and I didn't make any attempt to deny it. I told her everything about the strange situation I'd built for myself back at the Red Anvil. Everything. That I regretted telling Hudd that I'd loved him. That things went the way they did. It was doomed from the start and I still let it happen, and then, I ran away because I was afraid of being discovered and knew Hudd and Ellie would never let me leave on my own. Was it rash? Yes. Do I regret leaving? No. I always knew I'd leave someday.
In a town as small as Combe, secrets are much harder to keep. It's easier to blend into a crowd when you live in Bree-town.
Tylva did call me out on never having gone to visit my family, though, and she was right. How could I claim to miss them when they were merely a few hours' worth of a trek away, when hers were miles upon miles east of the Misty Mountains? It shamed me, knowing I was avoiding facing them. I couldn't very well tell all of them the real reason I'd left...
Finn would rightly chew me out for it, just like Tylva. I suppose Hilda might find something romantic about running away to 'save the people you love' (Opinions may vary on this), but she's still at a very impressionable age. I couldn't bear to tell mum and dad the truth. Dad especially, I'd probably give the poor man an ailment of the heart with my various misadventures.
In a few days' time, I'll be seeing them for the first time in a year.
I long to see them again, and yet I also dread the potential fall-out.
