Flannery talked me into sending a letter to Davick earlier today.
I was reluctant to do so since I had told him that he held the reigns in our friendship now and it seemed to me that sending this letter was going against my prior words. She, however, was as pragmatic as ever and pointed out to me that he still did for it would be his choice entirely whether or not to read it.
I tried to do as she suggested. I tried to tell him how I felt, but I failed in that. I tried to explain things, tried to let him know how much he still means to me, but I think I failed there also. How does one explain to such a man that he is loved, missed and needed? It cannot be done, or at least not by me. He will not respond to it, I am certain. He has avoided me for some time now, I feel, and I doubt that this situation will change at any point.
It is strange. I have been preparing myself for this outcome since the day I became myself again, and yet I still find it heartbreaking to think that my dearest friend and ally, my love and my guardian, wants nothing further to do with me.
I smile on the outside whilst inside I weep for that which I unwittingly destroyed. My wolf is lost to me.
I saw Raruccu along with his lovely lady. My arrival was ill-timed I think, for I seemed to interrupt them in a tender moment. Still, they were kind enough about it so I offered my apologies for my prior behaviour and then I left.
Ran, is more like it. I barely lingered long enough to allow them to reply. How could I stay, daring to disrupt such a touching scene and marr it with my misery? Perhaps it is an excuse and yes I was petrified of what I knew I had to do and what the reaction might have been, but that still gives me no right to intrude.
I wonder...
Is it better to just walk away? Is it kinder to myself and them to simply slip into obscurity once more? They have moved on with their lives, as they should, and perhaps I no longer play a part in that. Insinuating myself into them would be selfish at best and I have no right to expect them to keep a space in their hearts for me.
