Fillegedhiel of Gondor sat by the hearth hidden in the back hallways of the Prancing Pony all night. At times she slept, at times she dreamed…at times she simply stared into the fire and thought. The dreams were nightmares, her sleep fitful and the thoughts dark, her mind replaying over and over again the horrible things Xandilif had told her the previous evening. The elven champion’s cryptic warnings and strange statements about her sister, Xanderian seemed to linger in the air like acrid smoke and bedeviled the dreams of the young smith. The strange elf had terrified the woman…but also fascinated her. So much like her Xanderian, but also so different….so strange.
“So unlike any elf I have known…” she thought. Then she laughed. Had she known so many? Xanderian, a handful of others on the road, the Lady Arahen briefly, then the elves who had been so rude to her and Cyndwin in Rivendell…but that was it. She shook her head and laid her head on her arms again, drifting back to sleep, reflecting on how little of the world she had actually seen yet.
As morning approached Fille woke with a gasp from another dream of Xanderian being killed by the bronze-haired girl Cily and realized someone had laid a soft woolen shawl over her shoulders while she had slept. The scent of lavender and jasmine lingered upon the luxurious cloth, and a cup of tea and a few small cakes had been left on a table beside her. She smiled. ”Xanderian…”
She pulled the shawl closer and ate one of the cakes absentmindedly, remembering Xandilif’s concern for her sister, her fear that being involved with mortals such as Fille and Cyndwin would break her heart or worse. She had mentioned a red-headed man who had died…who Xan had apparently killed. A lover of Xan’s? It was almost strange to think of her with a mortal man, but perhaps so. She knew how passionate and emotional her friend was…and how fiercely she could love. But to kill him…?
Fille whispered into the fire. ”And his death sent her away from the world, tormented for 100 years…I can’t allow that to happen to her again.”
The dark haired girl’s mind went unbidden to the memory of that slow boat that took out of Dol Amroth, how she felt as she watched the coastline disappear and left everything she knew behind her, just to save her own skin, just to flee her father. Could she do less for the friend who had given her so much? Xandilif was right…nothing was worth Xanderian going through that pain again…nothing. Least of all her.
She heard voices behind her and Cyn’s laughter and she turned to see the girl of Rohan and Xanderian leaving the chambers they shared, speaking in low, gentle tones, their heads held close…clearly both at peace. Seeing the elf she loved so happy, Fille knew she would do anything to preserve her joy…no matter what she had to do. She was finally resolved. She knew what she had to do.
The girl felt Xanderian’s eye fall upon her and bit her lip as the two came over to her. Cyndwin immediately moved to hug her sister-in-arms but Fille did not respond, causing the blonde girl to look confused. Xanderian however simply nodded…whispering to her companion. “Leave us for a time, my Horsemistress…I feel Fille wishes to speak with me…”
Cyndwin nodded…deeply uneasy, but kissed the elf on the cheek and moved into the main hall of the Pony to await them, looking back at Fille questioningly one more time. Once the fair-haired horsemistress had gone, the elf smiled at Fillegedhiel, her dearest friend, though she did not move to embrace or caress her as she normally would. She simply sat slowly in one of the wooden armchairs and waited.
Fille cleared her throat and looked into the fire. Her mouth was dry. How to begin what she knew she had to do? “Xanderian….while you were away…I met your sister…I met the Banshee.”
The elf nodded softly. “I know…I felt her upon you last night when I returned. Your dreams were troubled my Fille. Knowing my sister that is not surprising.”
Fillegedhiel cleared her throat again and turned, trying to appear stern and in control. "Xanderian, the fact is that she told me many things…and well…I can’t help but feel that… you have already risked too much on my behalf. Your help with settling my life here…evading my father’s wrath. It is…you have done too much for me."
Xanderian looked at her...her eyes cold and flat. “I....I understand.”
Fillegedhiel scrunched her face, surprised by her response, "Wait…You understand?"
The elf nodded slowly again, her voice soft and concerned as she looked back into the fire. “You spoke with Xandilif...I know what she would say. She said much the same, I am sure, to me some days ago.”
The girl appeared conflicted a moment, her friend’s tone nearly breaking her resolve but her eyes remained distant. "Yes, well…she has spoken of...the man…of her concern for you. I do not wish for Cyn or I to be a repeat of that Xanderian. I know Cyn will not understand, but I...I...do not..." She swallowed and continued. "I never...I never want to see you like that, as Lif described. I do not wish for that to happen to you again, by your own hand or otherwise...I do not wish for any of it."
Xanderian looked up surprised..."The man?”
Fillegedhiel frowned as her heart panged with anxiety. "Um...that is not what you thought she would say?"
For a moment the elf was speechless, then turned back to the fire. “That was...He…that was a long time ago Fille...long before you were born...I...she told you of that? Why?”
Fillegedhiel felt her eyes begin to burn. Her face was a mix of emotions as she spoke. "I-I am sorry Xan. I did not mean to bring it up...but yes, she told me of that…sort of. She worries about you Xan...she was almost in tears." Her voice broke at the last word, remembering how alike the two sisters had seemed at that moment.
The huntress stared deeper into fire. 'Fille...I cannot go back to that....it would...it would kill me.'
Fillegedhiel stood her ground, forcing herself to sound emotionless though she knew her face was betraying her. She gathered her resolve. After all, the elf's own words were showing her that she was right to do this. "Exactly. I do not wish you to go back to that Xan. Your sister says that she met Cily…that she is keeping her safe, and that Cily has some kind of…ancient weapon. Something that is taking her over, Xan. Something horrible and evil that can kill a firstborn. That can kill YOU. This is serious now, Xan…serious enough to frighten the Banshee. She told me you are at risk. I-I will help you with Cily if I can, I am in this now and cannot get out yet, not until it has been taken care of. But...I do not wish you to burden yourself with us…with me...any longer. I do not wish for you to protect me anymore, from my father…from anything. I cannot remain by your side any longer. Our alliance must end." She bit her lip hard, tasting her own blood.
Xanderian did not move, her eyes going wider...”You would...you would betray me, after so many miles I have walked to come here...?”
Fillegedhiel felt her face turn pale, her voice was a mere whisper now as she felt ill. "B-Betray? Betray you. I am protecting you Xan..."
Xanderian looked up suddenly, her eyes alight with something colder than rage...perhaps agony, perhaps worse. She hissed out her words. "Protecting me? PROTECTING ME???? From what....
Fillegedhiel staggered back, suddenly afraid…as afraid as she had been of Xandilif. "F-From yourself Xan. You were lost, lost to the world for a hundred years, were you not! Someone has to protect you from THAT."
The elf moved closer to her, her motion too fast to follow, suddenly seeming so much larger then she had a moment ago in the small room. “You....YOU....would send me back there...alone in the night....YOU....MY VERY SOUL.....I gave up EVERYTHING for you...every shield I shattered…every defense I cast aside....for YOU...and now YOU walk away from me....Fille....YOU????”
For just a moment, the woman was speechless. She had never expected the elf to respond so.
