I wonder how it is possible to pick up the pieces from everything that we once had. For five years we have been separated. This waiting time has been filled with longing, despair, doubts and a test of handling the unknown. When Veryacano's decision was banned, Earinlin came to see me by the river Mitheithel.
Doubtless.. I still have high regards for him, as he has for me. The love is still there..
But something has changed..I do not know what it is.. His eyes has shifted to something more undefinable, I cannot read him as good as I did before... I do believe is caused by this five years of waiting and it has given us both much to think of... From this lively and enthusiastic personality, he seems calmer and he seems to have his mind focused on what he really is.. A Caun in Vanimar of Noldor blood..
He did not want to tell me everything that happened on that journey when he was amongst his Tûr and Cauns. Something fatal occured that obviously changed something in him.. And I guess it is reasons why Lord Veryacano kept him away from all distractions, either as a protection from what Earinlin started to become, or a protection from me..But I do not know, he didn't tell me more than my friend Lady Naruvir already told me.. He seems to want to suppress what happened, and I am not build that way that I want to push him to tell something he don't want.. I respect that...
I am holding back.. but he can't expect me to give myself wholeheartly to him, when he don't do the same towards me.. He is hiding something, and pretends that everything is as good as is used to be...
But not knowing is eating me alive inside, and is very destroying...
When Earinlin left again, I felt the same emptiness.. And it was a new shock when I heard he had to do another test to honor me and his new Tûr Anglachelm. He had to find something as valuable as me to give his Tûr. A Noldor custom to approve us a couple under his house Vanimar.. I know it might seems like a honorable task.. And a joyful test.. But for me it only means one thing.. A new separation, which means more doubts, longing and a new test of handling the unknown.
I do not understand all this customs, and all this acts from this high Lord of Vanimar..I wonder if is the place for me to be in long term.. Even though I adore Earinlin above everything.. He is a proud Lord that respects and obey all his tasks he is given from the leadership..And he should do so...Is in his blood.. But not in mine..
I must seek advice from Lithia..
The journey has went on for some days.. Still a peaceful journey with the same fair elfs from Loth-I-Lonnath, those friendly kindred from The Grey Guards and also my friend Galvathalion. All those kindred blessed this journey to be one of my nicest moment for a long long time..
This time the journey were a bit more hazardous though because of the half-orcs roaming the dry lands of Lone-Lands..But I never felt unsafe as my company had help from scouters and hunters.
A very welcoming surprise happened halfway on our road before we had to camp. Lady Lithia came to meet me..I was quite shocked and smiled. She wanted to help out with this journey and guide us through the unsafe lands..I had so much I wanted to talk to her about.. But I decided to wait until we camped..
Another surprise came along when Lord Earinlin came.. I could not stop smiling..He decided to help out as a scouter aswell..I wonder why he came, should he not be busy with his new task? Or was he already finished? He did not talk much to me..Only smiled some secretive smiles...
When we camped at Weatherhills..I was very tired.. I made sure Limroth and Earinlin's horse had enough water for the night. Lady Lithia and Lord Earinlin seemed to be in a deep conversation. And the rest of my company seemed to be in quite nice mood around the campfire.. Myself I decided to go for a little walk..alone... pondering about questions to ask Earinlin and Lithia. I had to have some answers very soon...
