It became colder, and rainier as I left the woods of Imladris, and Eregion, and ventured further into the abyss of the night. Although the Lone-Lands were known to be somewhat hotter plains, they became colder at night, and dark clouds formed over my head, throwing their heavy, cold rain on it. Maybe it was just because of my emotions, and the tears that fell from my eyes mixing with the rain, but for the first time in my life, I felt this strange shivering, and the tightening of my lungs - I felt sick.
Sick of myself. Sick of my people. Sick of these cursed lands I read so much about, but known little. I cursed the Valar. I cursed my parents, and Lord Elrond who betrayed me - me! The one who tried to do the one good thing for our Race, the one who tried to stop them from falling, and they were the ones who pushed me off the cliff! And still, even after cursing them all, most of all, I cursed myself.
I was alone. Everyone I ever knew, and loved were gone, as I left the lands of Elrond, my birthplace, forever. And as the tears dropped, I cried. Curse them all, curse them all, but what does it matter? What does it change in this whole world to curse them, who wronged you. Will they change? Will you change? It's worthless. In the end, the only one you are stuck with, the only person you sleep, and wake with - is you. And you - Loidirond - curse you!
My breathing became harder, and heavier, and my legs were trembling. I was tired, but there was no bed waiting for me. I was thirsty, and hungry, but there was no more Last Homely House to guard me from the pain, and dangers in this world. I felt evil eyes spinning around me in the bushes, and tall grasses of the land. Tongues licking their lips as they waited for the easy prey to fall. Of course, I didn't want to let them, even after all this pain, and hate that stabbed through my heart, I still had the Elves' willpower to fight. They did not approach - just waited there, as if they were Darkness with eyes. In their minds, their teeth already tearing through my throat. But they waited still, and that gave me time.
I have read a lot about these lands, as my parents taught me about the arts, and history of Middle-Earth, but I could never walk on these parts as they thought that they were too dangerous for me, and as I was born during the last days of my Race in these lands, it wouldn't matter much anyway. Funny, as a child, I always dreamed about walking through these paths, to smell the breeze, and jump into the rivers - and now I was here, but happiness bypassed me. Maybe I did deserve this, after all, it was me who wanted to travel across Middle-Earth, finding every little secret knowledge these thousands of years old lands may hide, and it was finally my chance! But at what price?
Why did I have to pay this price, Eru Ilúvatar? I did not ask for this! I did not wish for a dream to turn into nightmare, I'd rather had it stay a fantasy! Why have you done this to me? I just kept asking, and asking inside my head, barely keeping myself from shouting out loud. Alone in the Dark, Shadow and Body merging, I was left alone in the darkness of the night with no help, no kind stranger, no Valar, or knight to save me, no hero, no villain. All alone in complete darkness.
I started running, although I don't know where, my feet often hanged in the air, because of hills and bumps on the soil under them, and I saw small pockets of water reflecting the white Moon as a thousand mirrors in the dark. Ground and sky changed place before my eyes, and I was standing in the darkness, the bushes as the clouds, and the thousand reflections of the Moon were the stars. I felt like my head was turned as well, and I fell, rolling down a hill, until I stopped as a hard rock hit my back. I started coughing again, and looked up at the stars. They were so graceful, and innocent, yet powerful. All of them staring at me, maybe even crying with me. My whole body shivered again, as I started crying in their light. The Elvish outcast from Rivendell, kneeling before the stars themselves for forgiveness. I thought that their muteness was a sign that they did not accept my apologies - but as I looked down at my hands to stare at this abomination, this "Orc" I have become, I saw a flower. A glowing blue flower in the middle of the field in front of me. It was the only one around it, as most of the lands here were muddy, and often dug up by animals, but this one survived it all, and it drank the rare raindrops of the stars. Their tears.
I held the petal of the flower in my hands, and my tears stopped. I understood. Even though I was alone, in lands unknown, I could still flourish! I could still bring hope into the hearts of Elves who think like me - who don't want to leave these gorgeous lands behind! Our true, one home! I caressed the flower, and stood up, wiping of the tears, and raindrops from my face. I saw it. My future was to hold out, my future was to survive. As an outcast, as an Uruk, as a hated one, I still needed to do the right thing! I needed to save the Elves of Middle-Earth! I must never give up! As even a lowly Elf, a single outcast - can change the world. It is only your choice. How you change, and how you change others around you. But in the end, you will always be who you want to be. Maybe through blood, maybe through suffering, maybe it's all going to be worthless! But if you want something, you can get it!
I want to save my people! And I will!
