Diary,
It seems my emotions have gone all over the place. It's been a month since Tim... I am still angry and I can never forgive him, but is it too soon to move on?
I should explain. Not long after Tal, Ina, and Ero left and I had gone to bed, Alf came home. She was drunk, it was quite obvious really. I had been crying, and I really needed comfort, so I asked if she would join me. I felt bad kicking her from her own bed, but she had always said I needed it more so she has been on the floor. The compromise was she would join me in the bed, after all, it was just us girls.
Well... it didn't quite go as I expected. She was very touchy affectionate, which led to her kissing me. My thoughts flicked back to Anairen, all that time ago, but this felt different. It felt as though Alf wanted my affection out of loneliness not lust as Ana had. I pulled away, but Bema did I want to give the affection she craved. I have rushed into relationships too many times to do it again. I wanted so much to let her be the comfort I needed, but what if I hurt her, or she hurts me? I couldn't let that happen. Well that's all down the pan it seems.
As we talked, Alf told me her secret, the past she had experienced that had made her how she is. I was in tears by the end of it, only able to comfort her as she cries herself to sleep.
When I woke, I must have accidentally moved her, because I don't think she'd have woken otherwise. We talked more, and she cuddled Alaya the whole time. Perhaps part of what makes her so... attractive is her gentleness with my baby. She always offers to carry her, and plays and talks with her when she does. She was certainly more suited to childcare than Tim, maybe even me.
She tried to kiss me again, and yet again I so wanted to respond. But I pulled away, though this time she understood, at least a little, when I said I was afraid of rushing into things with her.
She fell asleep again after that, she's sweet, so gentle and caring. She has chased Ina for so long I think this is new to her, hence her confusion. I will keep things slow, but I don't know if she can.
