Found:
Disappointment.
I awoke to a note - note of all things! - informing me that Aidennan had been moved to a more secure location. I was exhausted, certainly, both physically and emotionally, but I find it difficult to believe that I would have slept through any attempts to wake me. I've been stalking the wilds and ruins for too long to be a heavy sleeper. Indeed, by this point I'm all too aware that to sleep too long or too deeply is a good way to end up cocooned by spiders or worse. Annoyed as I was, I nevertheless made my preparations and went in search of the address provided.
They boy was up and about, as full of life as ever I had seen him. It was wonderful to see. The healer girl certainly did a good job with him and for that I am grateful.
I was less happy to be informed that she had offered to adopt him. Understandably, the boy was over the moon. It's what he's wanted since his real mother died; to have a home and someone to love him. I did what I could and, for a moment, foolishly thought that I, of all people, could provide that last piece of the puzzle.
What was I thinking?!
How could I possibly be a mother to him? Or anyone? I've been alone for over fourteen years, doing as I pleased, when I pleased. I'm selfish, flighty, unreliable and far from a good role model. I don't have any experience caring for others, let alone a child, and no guidance from younger years to draw upon! My own "parents", for lack of a better term, despised the very air I breathed and made sure to remind me of it at every available opportunity! I have nothing to offer him. No words of wisdom or anything even approaching stability. I can't protect him from these people and as his "guardian" I wasn't even considered worthy enough to tell of his relocation!
I was a fool, deluding myself into believing that it was a good idea.
The healer girl, Laayla, she might be a mercenary and I might not trust her companions, but she has proven herself more able to this task than I. She healed him when he was hurt, found people to guard him against this ill-will and offered him something that I wanted to, but shouldn't. It's better this way. For him. I have to believe that.
I gave her the papers, gave him the new clothes I had bought, and then I left. What else could I do? I may be no good at these things, but I do know that the boy should not be caught in the middle. Better that I walk away. Better that I give him time to settle into his new life without any inkling of my foiled plan.
I'll find him again one day, when the dust has settled and none of this hurts so much. For now, however, I feel a sudden urge to dig. Finding something shiny and expensive to sell should improve my disposition.
