I haven't been able to rest, my heart is not in peace, the whole night I have been walking in the fields in Imladris carrying a Lily.. I sung a song about hope and happiness, but my heart mourns and again the sadness has overwhelmed me.
I never realized until earlier this week how fond I am of him.. Lord Earinlin and I are not so similar, but yet we seem to have found a deeper connection.
He is a wise Lord from the higher ranks, and he has his own Order within the House of Vanimar called Order of Arrows. Much responsibilities lies on his shoulders, and to be a good Caun he has to obey his Tûr and mentor the great Lord Veryacano.
I know Lord Earinlin is very fond of me to, he has given me so much, he also gave me this Lily I can't help holding close to my heart. Last days has been a dream, he has been watching me, he even took my hand one night in front of his order and in front of our Tûr Lord Veryacano. I am sure he wouldn't take my hand if he didn't feel something deeper for me, especially not in front of his kindred he respects so much and cherish higher than everything.
Yesterday we were in the glade in Imlad Gelair. Earinlin came to me, he didn't say much just smiled, we were talking about books and the nature, he was about to take my hand again, but was interrupted when Lord Veryacano suddenly approached us. I knew he had some news since he came to see us. He asked me politely if he could have a word with Lord Earinlin in private.
I went to see my friend Tindir on this little Island in middle of Imladris. He showed me a water spring that he had found, he also thought this place was perfect for a picnic, and I was totally agreed. So peaceful and idyllic..
After an hour Lord Earinlin came. He was pale, and his eyes dark full of sorrow... He told me he wasn't allowed to see me anymore. I couldn't understand those words at once, he repeated and his eyes were full of despair.. The words burned themselves into my head. And all I could hear was: I can't see you anymore Lady Amorith... He explained that it was Lord Veryacano's orders.. He had done some deeds Veryacano wasn't pleased with for some weeks ago.. He wouldn't tell me what it was, it was secret, but what he did was not good. But he said something about that he had to find himself again, and get in touch with his Noldor heart again, Veryacano wanted him to do this for his own sake, and he only wanted the best for him. Still I don't understand. Did my dear Tûr Veryacano wanted to remove me as a distraction from Lord Earinlin? I have always wanted to be a good kindred, though I am still young, and inexperienced, but I do my best, and lately I have studied as a historian and been training as Warden. I try to make my friends in Vanimar proud of me. But what harm do I do? I just like Lord Earinlin, I only support him and encourage him, not distracting him from his duties..
I am devastated and broken now, again it happens...Fate seems to remove those persons I cherish the most. Perhaps is fate that has decided that I shouldn't get involved or be too close to persons I adore. I do have a burden yes. And a lonesome mission that no one knows.. Maybe fate wants me to focus on that.
I guess I should go seek advice from my mother Eovina.. She has left Eriador. I will go and find her. But not until I have played my songs for Lady Mirineth's Ceremonial graduating event at the balcony at Last homely house this evening. It will be a cheerful night I am sure. No one will know my heart is crying though..
