I cannot do it. I cannot. I have tried. I cannot be the happy child these Noldo and Sindar want. I cannot smile and lie about how I feel when I hurt. They are gone forever, and forever is well within the lifespan of an elf.
I was bad and I lost my temper with Lord Alassento and dumped wine on him. Despite his words to Hilumrekja, I could have handled it better, yet I did not feel capable when his hand was to my neck, and I remembered the Orc from the mountains. I have not the mind to face him now after what I've done, though I know I must. I want to see Huoriell again as well. I will have to go back, even if only to set things right with those I left behind. There is too many feelings in this place, in me. So I left with Hilumrekja, I have not the strength now. I cannot, I am not strong as I want to be. We head for the Lone Lands where there are not elves to bother us.It is our first night out into the wild and everything is already trying to eat me like a snack! A wolf found me in my hiding place among the rocks while Hilumrekja was out hunting. It had me trapped on the cliffside. I spent two arrows to his shoulder and still the beast came after me! One arrow is usually enough to scare a wolf away. The beast leapt at me, and I ducked and rolled beneath it, then the beast fell over the cliffside to it's death. It was not until Hilumrekja returned with supper and I showed him the wolf, that what had happened sank in. No more play. I must be cautious.
