13 Forelithe
Six full moons have passed since we started treating Aeralin with the Elenduin potion Milnir brewed. He added multiple other ingredients that he already had at hand. Unlike athelas, all you need is one sip per day.
When I came back from the banks of Anduin, she was in a coma. We immediately started treating her.
After three weeks Aeralin woke up. After two months, she was able to speak, slowly and quietly, her fever was almost gone. After four, the skin discolouration was reduced to the size of a fist, only around the wound she had gotten. And finally, last week she started walking again.
Yet, there is something with her I cannot figure out. She does not seem happy or relieved that she is alive… Could it be that this poison affected not only her hröa but her fëa as well…?
2 Lithe
No improvement for the last three weeks. The greenness on her skin is still there, she is not getting any stronger.
What if this is as good as it gets…?
Milnir says we should be patient.
8 Afterlithe
The weather was nice today and Aeralin wanted to go hunting. Nothing too dangerous. I suggested I would accompany her. She did not seem very amused with the idea. But I made a promise to keep her safe and alive, I reminded her of that.
She frowned, I did not care.
We walked outside of Ost Galadh, roamed a bit, until we saw a wolf, biting pieces of a boar.
Aeralin gestured me to stay back and she quietly walked behind a bush, without making any sound and took position.
Her movements were so smooth, she looked as agile as she used to be. I was so proud of her at that moment.
She tried to draw her bow, aiming at the wolf. I poked my head behind the tree, even from afar, I could see her hands shaking. She wasn’t able to draw it all the way back, even though she was forcing herself. I could see her clutching her chin, in pain.
She wasn’t going to be able make it.
I felt the urge to stop her before she could make that shot, so that I could spare her the devastation.
Before I could do anything, she released the tension and fired the arrow. The arrow landed almost ten feet before the wolf, drawing its attention.
Aeralin quickly grabbed another arrow and fired it.
Another miss.
The wolf was running towards her, its teeth all sharp and shiny, looking for something else to chew on.
I quickly grabbed a rock, ran in front of the tree I was hiding behind and threw it at the wolf.
“Run!” I shouted. She was still standing there, frozen, devastated.
I sprinted towards her, grabbed her by the arm. The creature was getting closer. We started running to Ost Galadh.
“It does not mean anything, you are still gathering your strength. You will be hunting again in no time.” I said, hoping she wouldn’t figure out I was not completely believing in any of those words.
“I failed to kill a wolf. A wolf!” Her voice was shaking, tears in her eyes. “I had to run away from it, the guards took it down, not me!”
“You are still in recovery. I know how much hunting means to you…” She didn’t let me finish.
“No you do not. How would you feel if you could not sing anymore? If someone took your hands away and if you couldn’t play the harp?”
She was right. I did not know what to tell her.
12 Wedmath
It has been a month since the hunting incident. I spoke to Milnir many times, we do not know what else we could do. She is not as strong, she cannot hunt, and I can see the misery in her eyes.
More importantly, I can see her fëa fading away…
“Aeralin, if this is making you so miserable and if you feel like there is nothing else that could keep your spirits up here, maybe you should reconsider…”
“Enough with this. I told you many times, I am not going to sail.”
“But…”
“Eleanias, I am grateful for all you have done for me, do not mistake this for ungratefulness. But I am no Noldo, Valinor has never been home to me, I do not feel the same way you feel about this. Why is it so difficult for you to understand?”
“And what do you plan to do, if you are so certain you do not wish to set sail?”
She didn’t say anything, just lowered her head, looking at the arrow in her hands she was sharpening.
27 Winterfilth
I am going to have to make another trip to Anduin to find some more Elenduin. We brew another potion with the remaining Elenduin we had, it had to settle for a few days and the effects of the poison started showing up once again. Therefore I want to gather more so that we do not have to face the same problem once again.
Aeralin asked to come with me.
“I have already been there once, ‘tis better if I go alone, would be faster.” It was not because I did not want her around me, and it was also not because I would go there faster. I just didn’t want her to have to use her bow and feel like a failure once again.
I have been successfully avoiding instances that would make her fight in the last few months. I am sure she knows, maybe she is not insisting not to have that breakdown after the hunting incident to repeat itself.
“I know you are trying to keep me from being reminded of my incapability.”
Have I acted shocked enough when she said that? I do not know.
“Of course not! Why would you think that?” I fail terribly at lying, all the time…
“Eleanias, you saved me once already, I do not need to be saved anymore.”
“That is certainly not what I am doing! You haven’t taken your medicine for days now, I am just worried you might fall sick again. You had a fever just this morning.”
She looked at me, surely not believing a word I said, and replied, “I did not even want to come with you. I only asked to see how you would respond.”
I was completely given up on making her feel better about herself, weakness and hopelessness momentarily took over me.
“Can you blame me Aeralin? I did everything to make you feel better about yourself. When nothing worked, I came up with yet another solution. Every time I suggested it, you shut me down, even when I told you I would sail with you if you wanted me to, and you are the only one I would do that for. What else do you want me to do? Tell me, is there anything left that I can do?”
She did not say a word. What had I done…
“I am sorry Aeralin, please… I did not mean to hurt you. I was frustrated for one brief second, we can forget about it, can’t we?”
She stood up, walked up to her bedroll and crawled in it.
Later at night, I woke up with something grabbing my shoulder. I reached my dagger under my bedroll and turned back in fear. It was her.
“You were right. You go pick up the flowers. I will wait for you here.”
I smiled and nodded.
10 Blotmath
I arrived at Ost Galadh, only to find this letter from Aeralin.
“Eleanias,
Please accept my sincere apologies that I had to deceive you. I know there is no cure to what I have and I know you are going to keep trying to convince me to sail. I know in my heart that you are right and I know there is no other way.
I am grateful for all you have done for me, I told you that so many times. But I am nothing without my bow.
If I had the choice to decide how all this would end for me, I would rather die with my bow in my hand.
But if I were to end this on my own terms, I would be doing you great harm. You could never recover from that. And I do not wish to harm you in any way. But I have almost always been a loner, and right now I feel like I need to be on my own for a while.
I saw the letter Lord Anglachelm sent you, summoning us to Imladris.
Here is what I have to offer: Give me a year to think, to consider all this. Do not follow me, do not try to find me. And I shall be in Imladris at the beginning of the next quellë.
I have enough Elenduin potion that would last me until then.
Go back to Imladris. I will be there soon.
Aeralin”
She is gone.
