Breakfeast was over, it seemed as they would stay another day in the runis of Ost Guruth, Fengdiel, havent slept that well still slept as the others ate the breakfeast. The sounds from the camp and the smell soon woke her up as she rubbed her eyes and looked out of the tent, "Good" she whispered to herself, as she made her wya out and grabbed some of the food and then went back inside her tent where she began to eat it and write in her diary once again.
So it seems we will spend the day and one more night at these ruins, could have been worse or even better as well..I would not say that I am jealous of people in the group, with some having the one they care for close and next to them as they sleep, here I sit, on my own not knowing if he is dead or not. I say don't worry about it Fengdiel, it will do you no good anymore, perhaps you should lock your heart and throw away the key so no one could get close and then hurt you like this again.. What did father used to say? "It is dangerous with men Feng..be careful to choose the right one that wont harm you..for if he does you will never feel the same, never feel whole again." Oh father you are so right, No, I will place a lock on my heart and live my own life, better so, can not get hurt then.
Fengdiel stops writing a few moment as she smudges the ink when she moves out of her tent and away towards a ruin, overlooking Ost Guruth, seeking some time for herself, as if she needs to be alone to think things over and such, no birds can be heard where she sits, tilting her head up into the gentle breeze as if she was trying to let the breeze blow her troubles away she lets a few tears run their way down her cheek, making sure no one sees her where she sits, the tear drops stains the page in her diary as she continues to write.
Now look what your thoughts have done you stupid girl, it will not get better sitting here crying over him or over something you would never have in any way at all´. Her words lingering in the air around her. Curse this thing called love..its nothing but seeking redemption, comfort, the feeling of belonging somewhere with someone, Do I care about the others and the ones the care and love? I do not know what I will answer to that..fine by me if they wish to live a life with love..I am done and over with it, it will just bring too much pain to my heart..So what if he is dead..Why should I care..I do not know if he loved me or I really loved him..
The tearstains gets more and more as Fengdiel now can not control herself and cries quietly for herself in a corner of Ost Guruth, hoping no one will find here where she sits as she continues with her writing.
NO..no no..its not true Fengdiel, belive in love and you will find love again, belive in your friends love for you, for the ones they care and love for, don't lock your heart, just don't be so fast to give it to someone, let him prove to you that he is worthy of it before handing it to him, thats the best way Fengdiel, wipe your tears, you can not let the others see that you cried. Love hurts yes but it only hurts for so long, put him behind, look ahead, someone wants you out there..someone needs you, that someone will love you up and above and beyond anything you can think of..just be patient and he shall appear.´Perhaps he wont be the knight in shining armor you dreamt off when you were a little girl but he will appear when you least expect it. Expect it..I will expect me to be on my own until someone is desperate I think..but lets try and block these thoughts and focus on the task you are out on with your friends, if you do not keep focused, you wont return as you promised Mynna and Aeonid, you gave them your word, to be careful and so I shall be as well. Remember the good memories of him, the night in the hay, or when he accidently came into your house, those memories are ones that you should remember him by..
Fengdiel wipes her tears, leaving her diary open for a little while so the tearstains would dry as she sits and bask in the early sun before closing it and moves back to her tent and lies down, closing her eyes and falls into sleep again. This time sleeping deep and without any dreams, a long good earned rest for her before they set out again.
