Nengelon would never know his 'brother' was truly a 'sister' - there were moments along the years when I would feel like revealing my true-self to him, but was never brave enough, fearing his scorn and anger towards me. I am not sure why I thought me being a woman would upset him or our bond . We would sail together for many years and be the best of friends. He was Middle-earth born and was fascinated by my tales about Valinor and The Great Sea . In 770 of the Second Age Nen met a beautiful elleth named Aralinwen.
My feelings towards their relationship were confusing and strange, for I never felt like so before. I was happy for him, of course, but also sad for I knew our special bond was weaker now that he had found a life-companion and love. For the first time in my life I cursed my choice of freedom among everything else. I was losing my best friend, my 'brother' and then realized, I was also loosing someone I had grown very fond of. I dare not call my feeling for Nengelon 'love' for I know not what love is, but we grew distant and the pain inside was real.
In 783 they were married and when their first child was born they decided to move to Eregion, in the great city of Ost-in-Edhil where Aralinwen's father worked as a merchant. Our last meeting was joyous as much as it was painful, for me at least. For many years Nen had been my best friend and travel companion, but now the time had come for us to part. We joked and laugh , as we were used to, that he would miss the beauty of the sea in his new home. He promised he would come back to visit once in a while. That was the last time I saw him.
Too stubborn to even understand my very own feelings, I went back to the sea and to my beloved Fëa Alquarámë, vowing to never get too close to an other being in fear to be hurt again. The sea was my best friend, my brother, my everything, and to Lord Ulmo and my ship I made my pledge of loyalty. Over the many years that followed, I would sometime think about Nen and our adventures. Rare letters from Eregion would tell of his new life and family, I was happy he had find what he was looking for in life.
Nengelon Cairon Luinor was killed by an orc's blade in 3,434 of the Second Age. Nen Lalaith, my dear brother and friend died with honor on a battlefield, fighting for justice and freedom and all that is good in this world. In one of his last letters to me, he wrote :
" Alquaminë my dear brother, never there was a better friend and companion than you , please forgive me, for more than once when we were back in Lindon I would look at you and had feelings that are more suited for a woman, and not the man you are. Often I would dream of us together, such dreams would be confusing and painful. So here I ask your forgiveness...you must be what you are "
And from that day on, along the tides of time, I vowed to be always what I was...Eälótë Mirëluin Haerel, a mariner...and a woman.
