I am here at home babysitting Alt. I look at her so small, so defenseless, so pretty and I ask to myself how my mother could do that to me... why she didn´t love me... why she hated me so much... I spent my life trying to save her from herself, but she was so weak...
I would like to come back again in the time and tell her I would like to feel her pain for her... that I never hated her, that I always loved her... no matter what she did to me. I would like to come back in the time and... try to save her again cause she died and I couldn´t close that... cause... I wasn´t enough for her... cause she preferred to die instead staying with me... and I understand it... cause... I am not enough for none.
And every night I see myself worried for Anadryt, crying sometimes like she did with her husband and I think... I´m like her.
I remember the first time that she hurt herself with a sickle and I found her covering with her blood over the hey. I was only eight and i pressed her wounds, but the blood didn't stop, and my hands were dyed of red. I was so scared... so alone... and she didn't care... I only said and again and again "Stay with me mother, stay with me...!" And her body stayed cause that was my will, but her soul wasn´t there, she died when my father went to battle.
And now in my nightmares I am her every night and It´s our son Gohen who comes to me and says and again and again " stay with me mother... stay with me!" But I can´t get up and my body is my jail. Gohen has got Anadryt´s eyes and it hurts me deeply cause they remember me he is not beside me. Then I wake up and I am alone in the middle of the night like I always felt before I met him.
But tonight Althesya is with me... she has been crying. I look at her lovingly, caressing her face, feeling I am her mother, and I only can think I would die, yeah... for her. And I smile to myself knowing that I am not broken. Today the dream was changed and I could hug my son and I talked to him " i am here, my darling I am here" and his emerald eyes didn't hurt me and gave me peace.
