So much has happened. So very much. There is little room left in this book and I doubt I have the room to commit it all - all the events, all the feelings. I shall have to keep this as brief as possible, but where to start?
Drevorin and I were arguing again. My doubts and fears over who he has become started these altercations as much as his insistance upon keeping secrets, leaving me blind. It came to a head when I spoke openly to him of the times he had tried to kill me in the past. He gripped my wrist so tightly, practically dragged me across the common room of the Prancing Pony and pinned me to the barrel. In that moment I was so scared of him. He was hurting me so much and all I could do was stand there staring at him. The look on his face as he realised what he was doing told me how sorry he was and we spoke more afterwards. Alas, that did not go much better. He demanded that I stop speaking with Davick. There was no discussion, no conversation, just a demand and then he was gone.
A few days later, we went for a walk. He took me to Starmere Lake and up above the water, as the rain soaked us through to our skin, he spoke to me of our relationship. I thought he was to break up with me then. The things he said... he made it sound like he no longer wanted me. How surprised I was, then, when he showed me a ring and asked me to be his wife! I was stunned! Utterly shocked! I could barely think, nevermind speak and when finally I was able to, my assent came out more of a stuttered question than anything decisive. I felt such a fool, standing there before him asking if my saying yes was acceptable. He seemed to think it was, of course, which he proved by slipping the ring onto my finger.
It is a pretty thing; a clear gemstone of some sort set into a band of gold. I have never owned jewellery before and this, I think, is a spectacular piece. I have nothing to compare it to, of course, but even were it glass set in brass it would mean the world to me. It is a pity, then, that my gloves cover it, but for all that I would happily display my betrothal to all and sundry, I cannot bring myself to bear my hands in public.
It was when we returned home that everything kicked off in earnest. Bearn had been hurt; wounded and poisoned. He was ranting and raving from the pain. My love tried to aid him as best he could, alas he also has a short temper and was unable to prevent himself from snapping back. Drevorin tried to smooth things over, tried to distract Bearn from the pain by telling him our good news, but it had an adverse effect. Bearn fell into a deep depression.
The arrival of Adaryn did not help matters. Within minutes she had started up an argument with my love, casting accusations and shrieking insults.
I spent the next few days seeing to the needs of my saviour, trying hard to get him out of his mood. It eventually worked, but a part of me wishes it had not. It has been nothing but arguments since then. He is scared that he will lose me, he hates that I have agreed to wed Drevorin. He hates that Drevorin will not stand silently by whilst Adaryn spews forth her bile. I cannot blame him. Even my patience with the woman runs short and I find it increasingly difficult not to snap back at her.
Things are becoming so difficult. If I am not arguing with Blodwynn, then it is Bearn or Drevorin or any number of other people. I am so tired of all of this, so frustrated!
