Diary - Page 1

Heh... I can't help but feel a bit stupid writing a peice of paper to no-one in particular, but I thought that keeping a diary might help keep my thoughts straight. It's been difficult to do so, recently. I havn't slept for the past few days. It all started when Ilaru got "Captured" (allthough, I think she went willingly and... Who could blame her, I'd want to get this over with too.) by Devorin. I felt... Angry that I had missed it, angry that I wasn't there to protect the girl. I... I'm falling for her, and I know it sounds... Stupid and odd. The girl is all skin and bones, has about a million problems and doesn't return my feelings, not to mention hates any idea of intamacy, and yet... I can't help myself. I know some of what she's been through, and I want nothing more than to just help her, see her smile. Still, I'm willing to just be her friend for now, and I'm willing to be paitent for the poor girl. Still, she impresses me aswell. She's strong, no matter how much she doesn't see it. Anyone who gets through all that, and is still such a kind soul is definatley strong. I felt useless, like I had failed her - I knew that I shouldn't interfere, and... I guess I didn't. I wanted to search for her, bring her back, but... It wasn't to be. Davick upheld his promise, but she... Took mercy on Devorin when it came to it. I can relate to that. I just hope the man doesn't come for her again - if he does, I'll wring the bastard's neck myself. Mercy or not - some people just have to die. I had an arguement with Blodwynn, too. God, I felt guilty afterwards - she's the one being threataned, not me. All I did was watch over her and look on from the sidelines, I could've done more... I hope Ilaru's okay...