Only a shadow

"For how long will I be able to keep my head low and pretend nothing happened? If I had to choose again would I do it again? I still believe I did what was necessary, since none of them would hear my objections. We could not afford loosing two of the most experienced and skilled warriors of the company. Between the lives of my brethren and lives of innocent of another blood and fate, did I choose right?  Daggers of cold despair pierce my heart each time I remember how it all ended, with my aid.

It warms my heart to see our Lord rescued and gaining in strength, it was not all in vain as I feared it, as did all others. The Lord of Vanimar returns bringing pride and hope to all our kind: the elves can still take back their own from the dark claw of the enemy. The pride of my lord Veryacano is untouched -apart from the shame I helped bringing- for he has not abandoned his master and his duty even in the darkest and most hopeless hour. Whatever punishment awaits I will welcome it, by choice! I will not beg or try to explain myself. I chose this path, the path of the Hammer with all that came with it.. did I ever imagine it will come to this?! No.. I chose it for glory and for a worthy and meaningful end. But I lost any other path while following this one, all other roads are too far to reach. I fear that my punishment will be the exile and being forgotten, as is often the custom of our people. I have nothing else to fight for and nowhere else to go. A murderer will not search the light of the West nor the eyes of my beloved only to receive another punishment, a thousand times harder, that of her despise.

When will they judge us? I would imagine they will wait until we reach our Valley since they waited this long, and so was the will of the lord Veryacano since he first heard of our guilt. I avoid every occasion of conversation and I spy eagerly every occasion to be of use away, far away: remote guard duty, gear mending, hunting or cooking. Just so no one looks at me. Just so that they do not need to hide how they feel ashamed and uncomfortable of my company. Naergon they called me when I was mourning my lost love. Who am I now that I lost myself?"