My friend, I've messed up once more. Yes, my decisions were wrong, I was wrong, and I deserve punishment. I am more than willing to accept the punishment, I deserve it. However, I fear Ross is blinded by his love for me and has only made the problem worse by being over protective. He has decided that I am safer with his guards keeping the others away. I understand why, but I do not like it. I hate not being able to move freely anymore. I long to mount my horse and ride away, yet I am always held back by my love for Ross. It is a strange thing indeed, this love. Even when I jumped out of the window and snuck to the Pony, I still returned home. I still came back willingly. I do not understand it, What happened to the Nimeway who spent long nights in the Pony for warmth and then snuck back to cold ruins to sleep? The one who never cared for love. The one who never cared for friends? She appears to be gone now, replaced by someone that I have not met.
Now for a question I really cannot answer. Why does Ross love me? I've been asking myself this since that night he told me of his family in Gondor. It's odd, I cannot recall falling in love with him, but I sort of did. I do not know why or how, just that it happened. And I've spent a long time trying to figure out why.
You know, my friend, I can be a really depressing person. It's hard to see the good when so much bad happens. I suppose I should think about happier topics. Let me see, I know happy news. My child is beginning to grow. I'm not showing much, but there is slightly a bump. Two months now, and it'll be three soon enough. Though I am terrified, I am excited to bring a new life into the world. I promise I will not abandon this life like I was as a child. The child isn't even born, and I feel an immense amount of love and loyalty to it. I love that it will be my child, and I love that it will also be Ross's child. I wouldn't want it any other way.
